Fun List Fridays

We Present: Random Lists of Distinctly Selected Items. If you would like to contribute a list, please email us and include your list, list title, and post name in the body of the email. We do not discriminate or edit.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Coby V. Macango, the two bosses at the boatcleaning company I used to work for (by Bluemoon Cutoff)

Coby didn't give a shit if the boat was dirty when we left, as long as Macango didn't see it, it was all good.

Macango had all the big boats on his route, and big boats totally lick testes to wash.

Coby wasn't afraid to go studcock (shirtless) when the going got tough

Macango was convinced his wife (Cyn) was cheating on him, which she was , with Coby

Coby and Faber were tighter that Macango and Faber, and Faber knows whos the boss

Coby woke up every morning and surfed before working an entire day cleaning boats, and still ducked out every other hour to check the waves throughout the day. Macango woke up early so he could call my house 30 times before work to complain about boats I supposedly "half-assed" six weeks earlier.

Coby said it was cool to hook up with chicks while still on the clock. Macango said it was cool to clean the cockpit twice.

Eisen glass kicked Macango's ass on a daily basis, while Coby rose to the challenge and dominated eisen glass every freakin day

Cobys idea of a good time was getting wasted and hitting on Stacy, while Macango's idea of a good time was getting his jaw wired shut, and then drinking a turkey sandwich at lunchtime.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

My Additions to the list of Things/People That Need to Ease (By The Sheriff)


Retired Diamondback Fans - okay, your team not only licks ass, plays in hot-ass shitty Phoenix, and might win the NL Worst with a 51-111 record this season, but it creates ten-mile-long huge-ass RV traffic jams. Your team just got smoked by the Padres, your vehicle is like 97 feet long, and you won't drive the fucker more than 40 mph. Ease, or better yet, die. Just not in my lane.....And they should have kept Tony Womack so that he couldn't fuck up the Yankees outfield anymore.

Coach Carter- the movie advertising blitz, and the actual guy himself. Let the fucking kids be thugs and play basketball. AI did it. Public Education is bullshit.

Apollo Moon Landing Conspiracy Theorists - If it's not the shadows, it's the flag waving. If it's not the flag, it's the absent blast-landing crater. If it's not the crater, it's the fact that your glassified, patchy-facial-hair-havin' domepiece has been buried in old photos for thirty-five years. In the meantime, you missed all the cool stuff like getting laid, driving a Rigarelli on I-95, and funlist fridays. Fucking ease, nerds. ads - okay, so I guess divorced yuppies need to find love too, and maybe online, but let's be serious here: One - the guy is too happy and he looks like the old pervert from "Being John Malkovich." Two- C'mon, when I see all the happy people who found each other all I'm thinking to myself is "Dude, I wouldn't click on that fat old hag's profile, even if it did show tit." Let all the eHarmony people go to Diamonback games and meet each other.

Parking Officers- out here they drive little three-wheeled Urkel golf carts. All I want to do is ram them and flip 'em over and laugh at their pain. Ease on giving me tickets for parking in my own fucking driveway, waifish pasty redhead guy. Or huge intimidating angry black woman.

The Unnamed Middle Eastern Dictator in Iron Eagle - You know that by holding herioc Colonel Ted Masters captive, you're only pissing off little Doug Masters. It's a good thing pre-Sept. 11 base security was lax enough to allow an 18 year old kid to steal an F-16 and fuck your arrogant ass up, because it was so sweet to see your 1/12 scale balsa model Mig get blown the fuck out of the Middle Eastern sky. Maybe it messed up your makeup, too, you pre-Saddam stereotype dickwad. Ease. And to the producers of said film - ease on preying on my patriotic fears/uneasiness. The US is cool, fuck everyone else. When I saw this movie when I was 9, it totally resonated. And, as sweet of a song as "Road of the Gypsy" is, the movie is about flying, not driving. Ease.

E.J. Hradek - seriously, set-up the uplink directly from your Atlantic City hotel room. And add some more grease to your sketchy hair. And as soon as the camera shuts off, resume beating up your trashy A.C. prostitute and feeding Panger peanuts in his cage. And know shit about hockey, you fucking greaseball. Ease, EJ. Let's just clone Buccigross, do a Melrose 24 hour reality show, and send me to do play-by-play with all three Baiocco Bros. as color guys. That would fucking rule.

Yummy Bingham

Males who are obsessed with Laguna Beach - no comment here, you know who you are.

Lil'Ceez Haters - You don't smoke weed, you don't fish, and Ceez is out there pulling toads while you are sitting in OC somewhere, hating. Fuck that.

Source 2- the Geico ad where the Cro-Magnon evolving men order the roast duck with mango salsa is pretty funny. Ease.

Police Officers...especially highway cops need to FUCKING EASE. Sweet.. you were a total fucking loser in highschool or you were last picked in kickball...but don't take it out on me because you need to feel the power of authority. Just because I rock...doesn't mean I am made of stone. I can not afford anymore speeding tickets in my Rigarelli or I am fucked. Who wakes up one day and is like, "I want to be that asshole who pulls people over for speeding?" The other day I drove by a highway cop on my favorite Interstate 95, and this cheif was outside of his car door kneeling down and pointing the Laser Gun at cars as they drove by as if he was a little fucking kid pretending his fake gun actually killed people. EASE you fucking piker...Hey buddy...You have an egg on your shoe...BEAT IT!

This also goes for ticket cops...This is unexceptable. Do these people even have souls? I understand it is the Police Departments nice way of giving senior citizens jobs but why the fuck are they so determined to fuck me. Also why do they have to be in those little gay carts? Nothing screams authority and protection in your town than a crusty old fat bitch in a plastic golf cart with a pen and paper. Fucking EASE before I drop a grumpie on your windsheild!

While I am really sticking the Police I might as well rip on BIKE COPS! Ease you sorry excuse for a human being. What the fuck are you going to do on that Bike? Look I know you have 10 speeds and "shocks" and one of those cool reflectors that you got from Millers on Mamaroneck Avenue, but you are still a pussy. How are you going to catch me if I am in my car or even if I am on foot. When was the last time you saw a highspeed police bike chase? Never? Exactly, because they don't fucking exist! Also I do not give a shit if you can see me at night with your flashlight but why do you need to keep it in a holster like it was a laser pistol? "Hey buddy..why don't you flash that light over here I think I see something...look its your Mom getting double teamed by Mickey Rourke and Eric Roberts!" You fucking zero..EASE the HARDEST.

Also George Costanza trying to make a career after Seinfeld...EASE

Post-Its...EASE...There is no escape...they are fucking everywhere

Wednesday, August 10, 2005


Gary Busey

Kris Angel--Mind Freak

People who try hard

People who recycle

The one homeless kid (who I don't think is even homeless, but still begs for change at the same exact spot everyday).--Look dude, first of all, you're only a year older than me--get a fucking job. Secondly, I pass you every day, and I'm usually wearing my headphones (the international sign for "don't talk to me, I'm rocking out"). Some days I throw you a few quarters, some days I just walk by. Its not a fucking toll dickhead! Don't sit there and throw a shit fit at me or send your mangy girlfriend to curse me out. If you're that much of a go-getter, go get her a fucking income, chief.

John Cougar Mellancamp. Listen "Cougar", someone else actually requested this ease via email, so if that isn't a warning to take a fucking step back then I don't know what is. And whats with all the name-changing? What are you Prince? Why don't you just change your name to a sign? Here's one to get you started: Make a diamond with your thumbs and forefingers. Now you're an official pussy, you pussy. By the way, Little Pink Houses makes people think you're a real funny man's man. Just kidding, they think you're a pussy.

Every once in a while I take a bite of ice cream instead of a lick and my whole mouth goes into an excruciating state of frozen paralytic shock. Ease ice cream.

Poker on TV. Dont even get me started.

Movie remakes. Do people just not remember or...

The 70's. Ease.

The word rhythym. I'm an English major. I have no idea how to spell it.

Girls who feel compelled to say something honest and heartfelt after sex, like, "I love you." Sure, I love you too. I love the fact that you bootycall me every time you and your boyfriend get into a fight and let me come over and launch a spooge geyser through your uterus. Sweet.


Skidmarks on underwear

tiny dogs

Jude Law

Thursday, August 04, 2005


That faggot from the Crestor Cholesterol commerical. First of all, where the hell are you? This piker is walking down a glass spiral staircase that looks like it belongs in the Wizard of OZ. Second of all, each step he lands on lights up with a lower cholesterol number. Ease Billy Jean video! Ease!

Judge Judy...I would do anything to spray fart that bitch strictly because she looks like that old bag from Throw Mama From the Train and besides, for some reason I think she would enjoy it.

Interstate 95(see my Biggest Beefs with Rush Hour List)

The lady who sits right next to me at work and laughs like a 12 year old on hellium. Go ahead...keep it up bitch and you just might get a fat ol' cock in your mouth.

People who keep there sunglasses on inside in places like the mall or something. For all the guys that do this, we all know you are checking out every piece of ass that walks by, but don't think you will ever score because you are a fucking creep. Also just because Corey Hart is your role model does not make it cool or acceptable.

Corey Hart wearing his sunglasses at night.

Rockwell singing "It always feels like...somebody's watching me" Trust me one is watching you...well...except Corey Hart at night.

People who leave Anonymous comments on Fun List Fridays. Step up cowards so I can shoot your ass down. Who the fuck are you hiding from. This web page isn't even public yet. It is a fucking blog!

Women being proud...Get over it...taking a huge load in your face after anal sex is nothing to be proud of.

Geico car commericals. They were funny once but now it is time to ease. I mean the one with Tony Little and the Gazelle is so pathetic because they have that faggot juicebox reading Q cards that are way off to the left,its like they never even watched it first before it aired. is priceless.

The Yankees pitching rotation especially Randy Johnson, Al Leiter, and of course KEVIN BROWN. If we do not make the playoffs, I will personally skull fuck all of you in front of your kids.

White or black denim

People who think GAY is "in"...yea have fun defending this one to your girlfriend.

Joan Rivers and her daughter who looks like she would be the stunt devil for Sandra Bullock in Spaceballs if Sandra Bullock was in Spaceballs...which is funny because Joan was in Spaceballs...weird...I just thought of that now while writing this list.Anyway, Joan who are you to be a fashion critic? You look like that nasty old bitch Magda from Something about Mary and you probably give the worst head on the planet.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

-Nice to see Joe Walsh showed up in his PJ's
-Could the audience be any whiter? Clap on 1&3
people, now you're getting it!
-Oh man, i can't wait for the new season of blow out!
-Wow, i didn't know death could play bass.
-You know what? Overall this has been a pretty upbeat
show...what's that, they're encoring with desperado?
great, now let's go home and cry like a bunch of
-I wish i was the guy who invented the helmet cam, let
alone the guy who rigged Joe Walsh's sweet ass
-Fuck Walden!

-"I get pregnant easily...with or without the condom."
Ok, i can accept the fact that some are more fertile
than others...but with or without rubbers? What the
fuck does that mean?
-"My kid is going to love you!" Yeah, that'd be hot
if your kid was 18.
-"I love to give hand-jobs"
-"I love you."
-"You gonna eat that?"
-"No, i won't let you put that plunger there."
-"I love the taste of condoms"
-"Don't you think Beaches is a great movie?"
-"I feel like having a good cry...wanna cry with me?"

-Stephen Baldwin
-Bobby Brown
-Vincent Shelley's Lips
-People with babies
-People who make lists about things that need to ease
before source2
-John Fogerty
-The String Cheese Incident
-"Diamond" David Lee Roth
-Sammy Hagar
-Board Shorts
-Guys with tattoos on their lower backs
-George Thorougood
-curtain calls in baseball: ok giambi, we don't need
you to doff your little cap just cause you hit a few
dingers while not on the roids.
-guys who rap out loud in public: ok, none of us here
are producers, nor do we know any who could do
anything with your "mad skillz"