Magicians…WTF? (Obviously Source2)

Why won’t a magician tell you how they did the trick? I mean come on…what’s the big fucking deal, I’m not going to tell your boss and I sure as hell am not going to remember it or write it down so that I too can become a magician/creep and put you out of business. Yea man, when I grow up I want to be really into magic. Please

Every time you ask a magician how they did it they tell you “A great magician never reveals his secret” YOUR KIDDING RIGHT? Get over your self and your entire devotion to the underground world of illusionists, black magic, and jokers. You do card tricks on a side walk for crying out loud, you’re not the one and only Chris Angel Mind Freak. Mind Freak can just stare at you until he makes you tell him how you did that trick. I seen him

Why aren’t there any female magicians? The answer is simple…the word creep has never been used in the history of the world to describe a female. “Oh that chick is a creep man”…nope never happens…Magicians are creeps

Who picks out your gear? Why is that you have to dress like a cross between Zoro, Ninja Gaiden, and Jack the Ripper? You are already doing something in public that is suspect and considered creepy and really a lame ass job unless you are Mind Freak or Blain, so don’t make it harder for yourself by dressing like you are on some other mythical level. I saw you behind the stand before you put your outfit on and you were sporting rip jean shorts and a Wade Boggs t shirt with high tops. I’m so on to your bullshit career.

Why do you perform at little kids birthday parties? Is this because they are too young to catch on to the fact that you are full of shit or because you are a creep and you love partying with kids? OH and by the way tell your equally….wait….actually…WAY more creepy counterparts the balloon animal artist and the ventriloquists to go fuck themselves. That profession pushes it to the limit man. I am seriously who was sitting around one day and was like, “Wait a minute here…I could get those really long thin balloons right…and then I can blow them up and transform them into different zoo animals and give them to little kids as gifts at carnivals, theme parks, and birthday parties. No way I will be as sketchy as the magicians…it is the perfect idea” or your just sitting around thinking, “what if I did stand up comedy but instead of me speaking I will talk through a puppet that’s next to me and I wont move my lips so the audience ACTUALLY THINKS THE DOLL IS SPEAKING”…that’s not entertainment it’s a sick fetish….WAKE UP FUCKFACES YOU ARE ALL OUT OF LINE

Why do you dicks always have to crash weddings? I would rather have my dessert and coffee while talking to my friends then trying to guess how many fingers you have behind your back. Jesus. Pick a card any card, when you pick it place anywhere back in the deck…I’m not looking at all mind you…did you do it yet? Did you pick your card?? SHUT THE FUCK UP MAN. You are never going to tell me how you did the trick anyway so I am not playing…so go harass that guy over there; I think his kids are here.

Did you actually go to Magic school or did you just order shit out of the back of the sketchy pages in Popular Science magazine? You know… where you can order all types of illegal shit when you were a kid like, scramblers, sling shots, spy equipment, phone taps, and of course magic trick books and props. Anything you purchase that deals or actually requires a money order = suspect

Was your father a magician? I am just trying to figure out how one gets so determined to do this in the first place

Was your grandfather a wizard? I just don’t see any other way someone just picks this out of the book of jobs if it isn’t in your DNA. THAT’S IT!!! I’ll be a Magician!!! Chicks dig magicians…

Is it true that all magician’s have a secret shrine to David Copperfield and his sweet hair?