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Sunday, March 30, 2008

Yo McDonald's, I'm on your side, just cut me a little fucking slack! (by Kid Springsteen)

--After watching "Supersize Me", instead of cursing you out for killing people with cholesterol, or going on some ill-advised self-righteous health kick, I went on a Big Mac binge for two whole days. Talk about loyalty. That movie was like a friggin hour and a half long commercial...why won't you let me have more than one BBQ sauce without giving me a dirty look when I get my mcnuggets?

--Everyone thinks the McRib is made out of dead rat, but I always defend it no matter what. Why for the love of God do you only keep it on the menu for three weeks out of the year?

--Is it really necessary to serve the coldest, nastiest, saltiest fries leftover at the end of a rush? You're fucking McDonalds, you have more money than Veronica Lodge and Reggie Mantle combined (Archie comics, nooch) can't you at least take one for the team and throw the last few to the homeless guys and/or 7th graders and give me some freshies?

--Along the same lines: charging 10 cents for BBQ sauce, just because I want some to dip my fries in? weak!

--At participating locations? Why can't all locations participate. This is America, they're invited. I see a commercial for mcnuggets and fries on the dollar menu so I order them...only to find out that "at this particular non-participating location" fries cost $1.87. Not like I'm counting pennies, but I'm counting pennies in my car (yes the one with the busted rear tail light done up in black duct tape I bought to match the black paint job), does it look like I have enough money to not care about something like this?

--Breakfast till 10:30? I know Source2 already gripped about this, but it is such a cocktease I'm surprised my raging boner doesn't stab someone in the eye when I find out I can't get an Egg MacMuffin at 10:31 while I'm on a road trip (which is the only time i order them anyway). Do you want me to get a quarterpounder so I can sit in my own shit for the next 13 hours as I drive across Nebraska?

--Why forget things? You make me go to two windows at the drive in, plus flash a screen confirmation with my order. That kind of scrutiny would've stopped 9/11 from happening, yet somewhere in the shuffle my LARGE fries get lost? WTF! And why does whoever I'm with mysteriously get some extra item like 7 mcnuggets, or a burger with bacon? Are you shitting me?

--The Big Mac. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't the Big Mac a little...small. I mean, back in the day of all that styrofoam (bring it back! fuck earth!) it used to come on two sides, all sloppy with lettuce and cheese and then you had to fold it into one gigantic heart attack sandwhich. Now it fits in the palm of your hand. W.......TT..........FFFF?

--Does anyone ever win at Monopoly?

--Why CANT I go on the Playground? Is there a law? Will I get tased by the Hamburgler? If you don't want me to go raise a little hell in that badboy, then don't make it so sweet.

--Plain and simple...the coffee is too hot. I know that lady got burned and everyone was like personal responsibility and shes a dumbass and all that, but seriously, coffeee is supposed to be sipped and enjoyed, not absorbed with nuclear radiation-safe gloves and SPF 80. Who are you kidding?


  • At 11:53 AM, Anonymous Hawkings Theory of Everything said…

    Don't even bother going to a Canadian Diesel's...Source2-"What no mozza sticks?" And we got soda in a can...pull it together, honestly


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