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Monday, March 31, 2008

STATEMENTS BY BARRY MELROSE'S MULLET AFTER YET ANOTHER RANGERS WIN OVER THE DEVILS (by BeeRmaKesMePooP) (ps--this would probably be a lot more relevant if I posted it right after the Devils game but...)

- Martin brodeur was recently seen in the womens bathroom at chuckey
cheese off exit 74 on the New Jersey tpke crying and using his
childhood blanky as a tissue

- His blanky was later confirmed to be a pink Patrick Roy t shirt
covered in jizz stains.

- The bloody shitty underwear found left in the MSG locker room have
been confirmed as Martin Brodeur's. How you may ask? The name was
written on the elastic band of the tightie whities.

- According to sources, Brian Gionta was found waiting outside the
players entrance at MSG for Scott Gomez last night. He was seen on
his knees mouth open, and sources tell me he was planning to blow
Gomez to come back to the Devils so Gionta can finally look like a
good player again.

- After everyone left the rink, a lone shower could be heard. And the
slow moans of David Clarkson as he begged god to give him half the
talent of Sean Avery.

- Kevin Weekes was quoted saying, "man i shoulda begged to stay in new
yok. the future of the devils is darker than my skin!"

- John Madden was seen bro'ing with Ron Duguay... they were wearing
matching pink shirts. Duguay put the night to rest when madden tried
to walk with his hand in Duguay's back pocket

- Brendan Shannahan was rumored to have met up with the entire devlis
team at a bar near midtown and after drinking them all under the table
him and Nigel Dawes aka "Black Magic" double teamed all their wives
and sisters

5 Comments:

  • At 8:25 PM, Anonymous Source2 said…

    After finding out that Marty Brodeaur was jerking off to a 1994 Mike Richer poster taped on the back door of the bathroom stall in the devils practice locker room he freaked out, bailed on 10 years of sobriety, got totally shit faced with his imaginary friend Ronnie Relapse and then rocked the meanest mercy beat to the same poster later that night. He got walked in on by Chico Resche who happily suggested a snowballing while he videotpaed on his cell phone

     
  • At 6:45 AM, Anonymous Source2 said…

    Oh yea I was talking about Ken Daneko

     
  • At 6:58 AM, Anonymous Lt Ty Webb said…

    wow is all i can say.

     
  • At 7:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    even later that evening, after Adam graves finished helping kids learn to skate in Bryant Park, he met up with Shanny and Dawes and proceeded to pick up a hammered Martin Brodeur, throw him into the back of his Dodge Ram, drive non stop out to Nassau County,and put him in bed next to a drugged up on his oxycotin addiction Ricky Depietro.

     
  • At 7:33 PM, Blogger Derek Sutton said…

    This is like the 90's, when Manny "way to early of a draft pick" Malhotra knocked the F out of Kenny Daneyko (note, this was during his non-sober years... so let's give him a little bit of a break).

     

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