Fun List Fridays

We Present: Random Lists of Distinctly Selected Items. If you would like to contribute a list, please email us and include your list, list title, and post name in the body of the email. We do not discriminate or edit.

Friday, February 23, 2007


He likes sleepovers and blankets

He can't decide what race he wants to represent

He always feels like "somebody's watching me"...

He loves children

He has a Peter Pan shrine at his house

Chances are he has McCauley Culkin’s cell

Thursday, February 22, 2007

In response to the two new movies out, 'Wild Hogs' and 'Ghostrider', I want to start a new section for Funlist Fridays called....'Face/Off' honor of the stars of these two instant classics. (LHawk)

So here's how face off two actors and their careers and see who should hang'em up. I'll start with the inspiration Nicholas Cage and John Travolta, the stars of 'Ghostrider' and 'Wild Hogs'.

Early Years: Johnny started his career with a couple big movies like 'Saturday Night Fever' and 'Grease'; I know all you greasers out their love them, I know you had a travolta trapper-keeper when you were a kid Bauerout. Not a bad start T-man, I give you 2 points for them.

Cage on the otherhand was a late bloomer. He only had a couple of hits in the beginning like 'Valley Girl'
and 'Peggy Sue got Married'. If you haven't seen them...don't. I give him 1 point for the Johnny from Karate Kid look alike haircut in 'Valley Girl' and another for being Brad's Bud in 'Fast Times'. 2 points

Middle years: Cage kind of has a falling out after his strong start, but comes back hard in '92 with a all-star performance in 'Honeymoon in Vegas'. Nothing really stands until '96 when America decided that Nicholas Cage would be an action hero. 'The Rock'
really was his first and best action movie because he played the role of himself...a pussy. From then to now we are stuck with a wuss instead of Sly. You can't 'call in Cameron Poe' but you can sure as hell 'call in the Cobra'. I'll give you 1 point for 'Leaving Las Vegas' but I'm taken it away for that shitty accent in 'Con-Air'

Travolta might as well have called in sick during this period too. I wish I could have heard the pitch your manager told you about the 'Look Who's Talking'
script. Seriously though T-time, Bruce Willis saved both of them. I got to give you credit for 'Pulp Fiction' though only 1 point though cause you got shot because you were taken a dump. Maybe 2 if you would have upperdecked Willis first.

Face/Off '97- I haven't seen an action team-up like this since 'Nighthawks' with Sly and Billy-Dee Williams. What were the producers thinking when they made this? Let's get a guy 5'6" 140lbs to trade faces with a 6'4" 230lbs gorilla and people will believe it.
Personally, Van Damme could have turned that movie right around; look at 'Double Impact', the guy knows all about playing the duel role. Travolta gets 1 point for living. Cage gets nothing.

Post Face/Off: Now I don't know about any of you, but when I saw the 'Ghostrider' trailer I almost pissed myself. Then I saw the 'Wild Hogs'
trailer....speechless. If any of you Funlisters saw either of these movies, please leave, seriously and don't come back. I am all for checking out a movie at least once, I mean I watched 'Kittie and Stud', research purposes only, but these have to be the worst of their careers. Cage is not an action star what so ever. He should stick to the drama section of Blockbuster if you know what I mean. 0 points Travolta at least knows his acting days are numbered.
Look at the other actors in 'Wild Hogs', Tim Allen, that guy screams desperate for work. Martin Lawerence, 'Blacknight' was good really, didn't it go right to TBS? They might as well have called this movie 'Mid-life Crisis'. I almost forgot
'Battlefield: Earth', no comment, just minus one. -1 points

Overall score: Travolta 3, Cage 2. Nice job JT, you aren't a loser for a day.

Next Face/Off: Christian Slater vs Kevin Bacon, its gonna be a barn burner.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007


o Crohn’s Disease- the uncontrollably pooping your pants disorder with
inflammation in your intestines…

o Hemmorhoids- do I even need to say anything about this lecture I sat thru

o Epididymitis- in case you didn’t know, the epididymis is the fibrous
structure connecting the spermatic chord to your nut. Picture this
getting infected and swollen and red and making your sack so big it hurts
to sit or move, let alone walk. Then picture a real picture of this on
the 80 inch projection screen in class.

o Leadership getaways- apparently here they hand out “fuzzy balls” (I
seriously lost it during this class) they represent each time you
exemplified good leadership. “the person with the most fuzzy balls at the
end of the day has the best leadership abilities” (Dr. Karen Edwards,
Ithaca College)

o Med-sci lecture- Gastro-intestinal disorders. Picture the very proper
and important head of Athletic Training at your college saying the words
“diarrhea” and “rectum” and “anal leakage” and “anal bleeding” at least 15
times each in a single lecture. (I was sitting next to this girl who
would not stop giggling, its hard to not laugh when some one else is.

o Seidomasticism- this is actually the process by which people get
enjoyment out of pain and injuring others during sex, it gets them off.
Pretty strange to have a class discussion about it.

o Porno Paper- for the class I took on sexual oppression, I actually got
to watch a 4 hr. porno and write my term paper on it. Pretty interesting
that Ithaca College gives credit for such a thing, needless to say I
analyzed the shit out of “Shaynes World 2” and my teacher liked the paper.

o Ball slapping- During my community health class, 11 people total, 10
girls + me. My teacher is giving a talk on STD’s and some prude girl asks
how come you can still spread herpes if you wear a condom, very seriously
and proper. He is a linebacker build black guy that is hysterical, he
looks at me and then says to the class… “well the balls that hang, be
slappin against the vagina and its wet, so it spreads easy.” Pause for me
to pee myself and the girls to be appalled. Then he says, “what do you
think happens? How do you think you got here? Your parents got together
one night and he was hitting it, then his balls be slappin against her
(made a slapping sound with his hands).” (I was falling out of my chair,
the 10 girls were speechles)


Johnny "Guitar" was comin' to play in my town and I didn't want to miss it.

Working behind the bar until 3am feeding locals drinks sounded better
than drinking canadian beer all night in -12 degree weather with pond
hockey players from all over the world.

I have no desire to come any closer to the North Pole than I've previously been.

One hours notice wasn't nearly enough time to gather an adequate
supply of booze and handwarmers.

My parents were going away for the weekend and I wanted to throw a
party people would be talking about for months afterwards.

Armegeddon It.

I didn't want to see the epic 34-34 tie that was the most talked about
game of the weekend between four of my friends and former NY Ranger
Brian Skrudland's defending champion team that resulted in both being
knocked out of the playoffs because of the number of goals against.

My hockey gloves were still a little damp from the last skate.

I didn't miss that drunk guy ripping the sleeves off some other dude's
sport coat during a fight last night in the bar. I would never have
seen anything like that in a place filled with drunken lumberjacks and
woodsmen. And if I did, it would've been a flannel.

Thursday, February 08, 2007


-There comes a time early on in a relationship when, after the first blowjob, after you o-face in her mouth, there is a moment, a sink or swim moment if you will, whether she spits or swallows. It's in this moment, this crucial period of time that feels like an eternity, that a girls character is truly revealed. Now don't get me wrong, a blowjob is a blowjob and i aint complaining either way, but when this girl has potential, true potential, this could be the defining moment your best man will talk about in your speech at your wedding.

-The same could be said for doggystyle, or "fromby". This is a little more serious however, cause lets face it, i'll live if you spit (i mean, who could blame you, i'd vomit if someone else's jizz got within a 10 foot radius of my person), but if you balk when i go for the flip and fuck...then you're a prude and can't be trusted. Ladies, be proud of your asses!

-I think Mel Gibson should get an honorary oscar for "Biggest Sword Ever" in Braveheart. I mean really, that fucking thing is taller than he is and he still wields it like Marty McSorley.

-Regarding the elderly and children: NO FREE PASSES. So i don't care if you're 75, if you elbow me as i'm walking down the street telling me to walk on the right side, when i was nowhere near bumping into you, you're going to be informed that you're fat, old and going to die alone and you deserve it. And to you, Vigilante Soccer Mom, don't expect me to give up my seat for your little brat, i don't care how loud he's crying. He's young, he's got the energy apparently so he can stand. That would be like parking a scooter in a normal parking spot. Also, don't get mad at me when, after an hour of kicking the back of my seat, i turn around and give you're spazz of a snot machine the double bird.

-Demon Schlong would be a great band name.

-I don't care what anyone says, Keanu Reeves rocks the shit. I mean, Bill & Ted's, Parenthood, Point Break and The Matrix aside....have you ever seen The Replacements?

-I'm tired of how the rest of the world (mainly europe) perpetuates this stereotype of how
Americans are loud and obnoxious. While it may be true in some cases (mainly the american flag swim suit wearing ones) don't try and play it off like every european is quiet, polite and reserved. Drunk soccer hooligans anyone? And i also seem to remember half naked i-tie's going berserk in our hotel hallway trying to get at the developing hotties on our class trip to Europe. I also seem to remember buying a hash pipe in every country visited.

-For being such a tough town, new york sure is filled with a bunch of pussies....pussies and retards.

-No self respecting hetero should be seen walking a dog that could fit in a purse.

-Not to sound like a total h-mo or anything, but i hate it when girls tuck their too tight jeans into knee high boots.

-Even if it might veer into the man-date realm, i would double team a girl, as long as we stay on opposite ends and make no eye contact, though a high five might be acceptable for novelty reasons. And definately under no circumstances: NO DOUBLE PENETRATION. My balls and your balls don't need to be that close.