Fun List Fridays

We Present: Random Lists of Distinctly Selected Items. If you would like to contribute a list, please email us funlistfridays@gmail.com and include your list, list title, and post name in the body of the email. We do not discriminate or edit.

Monday, May 30, 2005

POSSIBLE ALIASES 24'S JACK BAUER MAY ADOPT NOW THAT SEASON 4 IS OVER AND HE'S ON THE RUN TO AVOID IMPRISONMENT IN CHINA. (BY TY WEBB)

KEN EASTON
CARL TACKLA-BELT
BOB NOVAK
JIM MORRISON
JAROMIR JOFA
GORDON LIGHTFOOT
BUSTER McHENRY
STORM T. RENEGADE
TAD ALIGASH
RENO RAINES
ULYSSES S. GRANT
ACE MERRILL
GEORGE PATTON
DEAN YOUNGBLOOD
G. GORDON LIDDY
DEREK SUTTON
GARY BETTMAN
PAUL TABLIABUE


REASONS WHY BRENDAN MCGONIGLE MIGHT NOT BE GAY* (BY CARL SPACKLER)

--he used to fool around with my girlfriend's roomate who, while attractive, is currently dating the brother of her ex-boyfriend who to my knowledge Mcgonigle never fooled around with.
--McGonigle scored BJ from the aforementioned girlfriend's roomate at a highschool party in the closet of her then-boyfriend's parents' bedroom while her boyfriend was in the other room. When the boyfriend opened the closet and caught the two he began crying.
--he looks like Richie, who by all accounts is the man and clearly not gay
--I've never seen him at Monkey. And I'm always at Monkey.
--To my knowledge he's never made a pass at Mike Christopher who by all accounts is every woman's fantasy. I mean, c'mon, even I'd fuck Mike.
--McGonigle has never taken action on his comments that he would "do" Eddie Vedder, which begs the question why someone would even want to "do" their look-alike.

*After a recent post by Ty Webb, it has come to my attention that Brendan McGonigle was just slightly upset by a reference to Source2's list from 2/11/05--"Reasons Why Brendan McGonigle Might Be Gay". I regard Brendan as a close (not that close) personal friend, so here is a rebuttal of the claim that he might be gay. --Sincerely, Carl Spackler.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

MUSINGS ON VARIOUS CELEBRITY/NON-FAMOUS LOOK-ALIKES (by Ty Webb)

--Dean Rocchio/Steve Guttenberg. Both share the sweet afroturf common to dark-haired men of Italian or Jewish heritage. Both are extremely funny while also being exceedingly scary when armed. For Guttenberg the never-ending Police Academy movies were his high-point of achievement. Rocchio achieved similar cult status when he managed to display his ball bag in the senior picture on the stands of the football field and not get caught. Hey, school is nuts.

--Baiocco Brothers/Savage Brothers. Many a person can and will attest to this theory/universal reality: at one time or another the Baioccos and Savages have been dead-ringers for each other. Too bad they never got to bone Winnie Cooper or that Tapanga chick, but it must have been helpful watching your look-alikes go through all that adolescent trauma and learning valuable moral lessons from it.

--Brendan McGonigle/Richie Baiocco/Eddie Vedder. McGonigle looks like Vedder, and Baiocco looks like McGonigle, hence this look-alike reference. Upon receipt of Richie's New York State Driver's license, it was learned that an underaged McGonigle was indistinguishable from a circa 1994 picture of Baiocco. McGonigle is also the subject of another Fun List Friday list: POSSIBLE REASONS THAT MY FRIEND BRENDAN MCGONIGLE MIGHT BE GAY.

--Mike "Chappy" Chiapperelli/Ronald McDonald (circa 1991). These red-haired enigmas were an everpresent part of high school life at MHS. One physically located across the street, while the other seemed to be coaching from the Golden Arches considering some of the lame-ass decisions he made from behind the bench. UPDATE!...It has come to my attention that a new set of Ronald McDonald appearances, complete with a buff physical appearance and a penchant for sadistic exercise has been slated for a summer 2005 release to coincide with the corporations hip, trendy and physically fit image. The commercials will feature a PSA with the new Ronald helping Chappy to cart off confiscated kegs from lunchtime woodland gatherings to discourage underage drinkers. Both will be sporting size "Vern Troyer" monogrammed athletic shorts and size "Andre The Giant" calves.

--T. Guy Minetti/?. This everyman has never been spotted in public, however there are reports from our Fun List Friday field correspondents that he has an earring, a wild mane and also a wicked jump shot much like Michael J. Fox in "Teen Wolf". Also rumors that T dot Guy surfs to work on the roof of his van and whenever he walks into his office at 1-800-FLOWERS, "Futures So Bright (I Gotta Wear Shades) rips at full volume from speakers hidden in flower pots. FLF's own Storm T. Renegade is currently investigating.

--Dr. Peter Baiocco/Billy Joel. Maybe if Joel trims down while in alcohol rehab he can try to compete with Dr. B's mean fighting weight of 174lbs of Judo badness. Additionally, the refridgerator picture of Dr. B on the motorcycle during Medical School is much more outlaw than Billy throwing rocks through glass houses.

--Bob Novak/Nick Nolte. They both made looking disheveled and permadrunk seem hip, while also making the explanation of hockey equipment features or solving murder mysteries more painful than filing your taxes without a calculator.