o Crohn’s Disease- the uncontrollably pooping your pants disorder with
inflammation in your intestines…
o Hemmorhoids- do I even need to say anything about this lecture I sat thru
o Epididymitis- in case you didn’t know, the epididymis is the fibrous
structure connecting the spermatic chord to your nut. Picture this
getting infected and swollen and red and making your sack so big it hurts
to sit or move, let alone walk. Then picture a real picture of this on
the 80 inch projection screen in class.
o Leadership getaways- apparently here they hand out “fuzzy balls” (I
seriously lost it during this class) they represent each time you
exemplified good leadership. “the person with the most fuzzy balls at the
end of the day has the best leadership abilities” (Dr. Karen Edwards,
o Med-sci lecture- Gastro-intestinal disorders. Picture the very proper
and important head of Athletic Training at your college saying the words
“diarrhea” and “rectum” and “anal leakage” and “anal bleeding” at least 15
times each in a single lecture. (I was sitting next to this girl who
would not stop giggling, its hard to not laugh when some one else is.
o Seidomasticism- this is actually the process by which people get
enjoyment out of pain and injuring others during sex, it gets them off.
Pretty strange to have a class discussion about it.
o Porno Paper- for the class I took on sexual oppression, I actually got
to watch a 4 hr. porno and write my term paper on it. Pretty interesting
that Ithaca College gives credit for such a thing, needless to say I
analyzed the shit out of “Shaynes World 2” and my teacher liked the paper.
o Ball slapping- During my community health class, 11 people total, 10
girls + me. My teacher is giving a talk on STD’s and some prude girl asks
how come you can still spread herpes if you wear a condom, very seriously
and proper. He is a linebacker build black guy that is hysterical, he
looks at me and then says to the class… “well the balls that hang, be
slappin against the vagina and its wet, so it spreads easy.” Pause for me
to pee myself and the girls to be appalled. Then he says, “what do you
think happens? How do you think you got here? Your parents got together
one night and he was hitting it, then his balls be slappin against her
(made a slapping sound with his hands).” (I was falling out of my chair,
the 10 girls were speechles)
HALF-HEARTED JUSTIFICATIONS FOR WHY TURNING DOWN THE LAST MINUTE INVITE TO PLAY IN THE 2007 WORLD POND HOCKEY CHAMPIONSHIPS WAS IN FACT A GOOD IDEA (By Ty Webb)
Johnny "Guitar" was comin' to play in my town and I didn't want to miss it.
Working behind the bar until 3am feeding locals drinks sounded better
than drinking canadian beer all night in -12 degree weather with pond
hockey players from all over the world.
I have no desire to come any closer to the North Pole than I've previously been.
One hours notice wasn't nearly enough time to gather an adequate
supply of booze and handwarmers.
My parents were going away for the weekend and I wanted to throw a
party people would be talking about for months afterwards.
I didn't want to see the epic 34-34 tie that was the most talked about
game of the weekend between four of my friends and former NY Ranger
Brian Skrudland's defending champion team that resulted in both being
knocked out of the playoffs because of the number of goals against.
My hockey gloves were still a little damp from the last skate.
I didn't miss that drunk guy ripping the sleeves off some other dude's
sport coat during a fight last night in the bar. I would never have
seen anything like that in a place filled with drunken lumberjacks and
woodsmen. And if I did, it would've been a flannel.