GANGSTA'S TENURE IN SAN DIEGO HAS COME TO A CLOSE. AS A PARTING GIFT, I WILL BEQUEATH YOU ALL WITH MY VAST KNOWLEDGE GAINED IN THE THREE AND A HALF YEARS SPENT EXPLORING ALL THE CITY HAD TO OFFER. I HAVE NOT TRIED ALL 24 (SEE #'s 12 AND 13 FOR EXAMPLE) NOR DO I ENDORSE ONE MOVE OVER ANOTHER. TRY A FEW OUT WITH THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE TO SPARK UP A DULL ROMANCE. ENJOY... (by Gangsta)
1. Hot Lunch- While receiving head from a woman, you proceed to
shit on her chest. (a.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)
2. The Stranger- Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and
then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
3. Donkey Punch- Banging a girl doggy style and then moments
before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back
of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly,
the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up. It should quiver
for at least 5 seconds if done properly.
4. Golden Shower- Any form of dropping piss all over a girl. Bonus points if
it's a casual piss.
5. Pearl Necklace- Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a
girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. Who said chivalry was dead.
6. Coyote- This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you
know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is
wrapped around her. Therefore, you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of
this situation. Can be very painful but worth it.
7. Purple Mushroom- This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you
withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a
lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.
8. The Flying Camel- A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you
are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using
your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a
long, shrieking howl, much like a coyote. Strictly a class move.
9. Fishhook- A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the pussy
after you stick your finger up her anus.
10. The Ram- Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her
head against the wall (or the dumpster in the alley) in a rhythmic motion. The
force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those
lulls in penile sensitivity.
11. Dog in a Bathtub- This is the proper name for when you attempt to insert
your balls into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as
keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
12. Felching- A gay activity which I do not condone at all. It occurs when one
fag fucks another fag in the ass and then sucks it out with a straw. Only
included for those of you who are considering going to jail.
13. Tossing Salad- Another prison act where one person is forced to basically
chow asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available, i.e. Jello,
olive oil, ranch, etc. I'm never going to prison.
14. The Bronco- Back to reality with this classic. You start by going doggy
style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab onto her tits as
tightly as possible and yell another girl's name. This gives you the feeling of
riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.
15. Pink glove- This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet
enough. When you pull out to give her the money shot, the inside of her twat
sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
16. The Fountain of You- While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass,
jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing,
spewing like a venerable geyser all over her tits. (Better in her bed)
17. New York Style Taco- Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down,
you boot on her box. Happy trails. I’ve found most sluts do not enjoy this.
18. The Durty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the bone
doggie style, you insert your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it out,
and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her
look like someone whose name would be Durty Sanchez!
19. The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove two fingers in her ass. Thereupon
she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are
20. Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just
happens to be the time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the
whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
21. Furr Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane
between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets
lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
22. The Chili Dog - You take a shit on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty
fuck her. Can get messy.
23. Brown Trout - The choice method for letting the skank you hooked up with
last night know its time to leave. After dropping a monster shit (preferably
it’s the solid kind), you simply pick it up out of the toilet and throw it at
her. I’ve never had if fail me.
24. Unexpected Protein - This happens to the unfortunate sole who just happens
across the same nasty skank you just finished punishing five minutes ago.
You’ve blown your load and have long left the scene but the horny slut still
wants more. He doesn’t know that you’ve just pumped half a quart of spooge
in her slimly slit. She opens her legs and he begins to feast like the Last
Supper, tasting your deposit. I’ve never been on the receiving side thank God.