Source 2 here...This was sent along in an email trail, but it is too funny not to be posted. I have no clue who wrote it but he deserves some credit. I took the liberty of naming the list and post name.
WITH THE NEW SEASON KICK OFF OF 24, HERE ARE SOME CRUCIAL FACTS ABOUT OUR FAVORITE AMERICAN HERO, JACK BAUER(Doug Steele)
The reason why terrorists attacked New York City was because Jack Bauer was in LA.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
Jack Bauer let the dogs out.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Colin Farrell smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. Jack Bauer smokes a pack of terrorists anytime he feels like it.
Upon hearing that he was! played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Jack Bauer cannot stick his elbow in his ear, but he can stick your elbow in your ear.
Deaf people listen to Jack bauer.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location ! of the keys.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because h! e was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
Did you know there was a national disaster last night while you were sleeping? Of course you didn't, Jack Bauer was on duty.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
Jack Bauer once told God he needed access, the event has since been referred to as "The Big Bang."
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Ja! ck Bauer jumps out.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fuacking hates lemonade.
WITH THE NEW SEASON KICK OFF OF 24, HERE ARE SOME CRUCIAL FACTS ABOUT OUR FAVORITE AMERICAN HERO, JACK BAUER(Doug Steele)
The reason why terrorists attacked New York City was because Jack Bauer was in LA.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
Jack Bauer let the dogs out.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Colin Farrell smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. Jack Bauer smokes a pack of terrorists anytime he feels like it.
Upon hearing that he was! played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Jack Bauer cannot stick his elbow in his ear, but he can stick your elbow in your ear.
Deaf people listen to Jack bauer.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location ! of the keys.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because h! e was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
Did you know there was a national disaster last night while you were sleeping? Of course you didn't, Jack Bauer was on duty.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
Jack Bauer once told God he needed access, the event has since been referred to as "The Big Bang."
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Ja! ck Bauer jumps out.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fuacking hates lemonade.
posted by Gearheart @ 7:39 AM
2 Comments:
At 10:33 PM,
Anonymous said…
Other random facts about Jack Bauer:
Jack fucked your mom before you were born then passed her off to Minetti for sloppy seconds.
Jack fucked Elisha Cuthbert on set and even though his real name is Kiefer, she called him Jack.
Jack made Kevin Dillon cry in season two by insulting his calf muscles.
Next episode, Diane the Redhead and Audrey the Blonde fight over Jack but it quickly turns into a threesome. Minetti steps in after Jack leaves to kill more terrorists.
Rudy wants to suck off Buchanan. Jack knows but doesn't care.
Even if you were already born and Jack fucked your mom, you'd cheer him on.
Jack Bauer upperdecked the toilet at James Bond's house.
At 1:33 PM,
Anonymous said…
Jack Bauer invented Bang Snaps
Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl, by himself
Jack Bauer put a Whoopi Cushion on President Bush's chair in the oval office, and escaped undetected. I heard he held up the Special Agent keeping post with a Butterfinger.
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