THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO ACCOMPLISH TONIGHT BEFORE BLACKING OUT (By
BeerMakesMePooP)

· Eat an entire 96 ounce steak dinner, like john candy in “the great
outdoors”
· Rent and watch the only known copy of “Rad” from blockbuster
· Armageddon it
· Heckle some one so badly they burst into tears or shit themselves
· Eat an entire vat of pat’s chili and one order of fried clams
· Play a sweet air guitar solo on stage at an “oxygen” concert
· Drink, “one bourbon, one scotch, one beer.” Only to ask myself in the
morning why I would ever do that
· “Make it rain on these hoes”
· Actually arrive at the bar, so I can remember being there
· Prank call T. Guy Minetti’s evil twin brother, T. Gary Minetti and laugh
· Watch Colton Orr knock out Fedoruk on youtube, at least 4 times
· Finally get with Abby Bernstein, even though every one at camp thinks
I’m a stallion

HOW I KNOW YOU'RE A TOTAL PUSSY (By Brocktoon)

-I can't tell if you're wearing jeans or stretch
pants.

-When getting on the subway you frantically search
for an open seat like you're life depended on it.
Bonus pussy points if you get off at the next stop.

-You have "Frosted Tips"

-You say "Cool Beans"

-When you go for a bike ride, instead of just
throwing on some shorts, or even rolling up one side
of your pants (gangsta stylie) you opt for the full
spandex suit complete with aerodynamic helmet. You
might as well just shave your legs, learn Italian and
mandate Dennis Quaid in "Breaking Away". Bonus pussy
points for ultra serious expression on face like
you're in the Tour de fucking France.

-You wear scarfs and/or turtle necks way too often.
Okay, once in a while is acceptable (winter only), but
when your dresser is non stop t-neck, and you're
closet reminds me of Steven Tyler's mic stand, then
you need to ease...you humongous pussy.

-You wear pointy toe'd shoes. 'Nuff said pussy.

-You buy more than 5 things at CVS. Really, there are
grocery stores for a reason and i don't need to wait
20 for you to buy a gallon of milk and other food
products you clearly could buy form the bitches at
Gristedes across the street when all i need is a pack
of rubbers cause i just broke one mid-fromby and i
have to get back before she dries up, not to mention
i'm folded up cowboy style and my zipper is doing a
number on my shaft.

-You wear a cowboy hat with the sides rolled up like
you're a sorority girl from Florida State.

REASONS WHY SHERIFF WILL SEE "WILD HOGS" OPENING WEEKEND (by Gangsta)


-He scored a pair of tickets by being caller 10 on the Zoo-Crew morning show on Jammin Z90 FM.

-Kid Springsteen was asked to write a review of the movie for the SignOnSanDiego and he needed someone to ‘Bro’ with (When they split a large popcorn w/ extra butter flavoring and a large diet Fresca with two straws, they will be heading deep down Mandate lane).

-Martin Lawrence is mad funny. Didn’t you see Black Knight?

-His Broke-Back Mountain dvd has a scratch on it.

-He saw the trailer and saw the kareoke scene with his favorite song "don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me"

-He has to compare and contrast the movie with last weeks pick Ghostrider (he is a teacher after all).




OLD SCHOOL THROWBCKS, THINGS I WISH I WERE DOING RATHER THAN ENDING COLLEGE (by BeerMakesMePooP)

• Going to one of those sweet karate birthday parties, like the one’s at
Tiger Schulmans
• Waking up early on a Saturday to eat an oversized bowl of cereal and
watch cartoons un-noticed until about 10 am
• Going to a murray avenue school mid-day assembly, usually something
stupid like watching “Willy Wonka”
• Getting up for 5 am practice twice a week and still showing Crapperelli
no respect
• Writing that “we got out-coached” in my Journal News article and getting
benched by Chappy, only to get put back in for the 3rd period
• Ditching classes at MHS, for pretty much any reason you can think of
• Showing up no less than 30 minutes late to every 1st period class I had
for all 4 years of high school, once actually only showed up for 45
seconds to Calculus
• Heading over to a post hockey kegger at Hampshire
• 3 pm practice on weds
• Eating Hot pockets with frosting on them and swearing it was the best
thing I’ve ever had
• Hittin up Larchmont town to “walk around” and “scope the scene”…
hopefully Mrs. Gedney won’t scope me J-walking and tell on me… again
• Going to see Dee Dee at “Sweet & Nutty” who creepily always knew my
name, my favorite candy, and what year in school I was… seriously I saw
her two years ago and she knew what college I was at and my year there…
• Taking DARE and still trying drugs when I was young
• Cruisin to “the rock” to catch a quick blaze or Armageddon it with some
lucky hunnie
• Going to Sal’s to get Sicilian and laugh at all the “Bobby’s” and
“Chibronies”
• Rollin up at BP, yea it’s BP. To check out the scene and snag that new
50 cent vitamin water
• Stumbling off the train into cellar bar at 4 am and waking up on the
couch with all my clothes on





REASONS WHY IT’S COOL TO ROCK OUT AT THE NEW-ROC ARCADE…KIND OF… (By: Cheech and BauerOut)


--You can have a mean air hockey tournament while pretending to be your favorite player

--It’s legal to shoot and kill people with all kinds of guns (even though they are usually blue or pink)

--You can get your jam on at Dance-Dance Revolution

--You can rock out like a hero at the drum kit and pretend you are the drummer playing live for the air band Oxygen

--You can race a car over 100mph (probably drunk or stoned), crash the car (while not getting hurt unless you fall off the seat because you are so messed up), and get right back into the race and maybe even win

--Go up as the underdog against some queeb in Marvel vs. Capcom and totally kick his ass and anyone who steps up

--If you ever get tired of the arcade you can totally get your sauce on at the bowling alley

--You can be ridin’ diiirty on Crusin’ USA

--Armageddon It

--Two words…Mortal Combat