HOW I KNOW YOU'RE A TOTAL PUSSY (By Brocktoon)

-I can't tell if you're wearing jeans or stretch
pants.

-When getting on the subway you frantically search
for an open seat like you're life depended on it.
Bonus pussy points if you get off at the next stop.

-You have "Frosted Tips"

-You say "Cool Beans"

-When you go for a bike ride, instead of just
throwing on some shorts, or even rolling up one side
of your pants (gangsta stylie) you opt for the full
spandex suit complete with aerodynamic helmet. You
might as well just shave your legs, learn Italian and
mandate Dennis Quaid in "Breaking Away". Bonus pussy
points for ultra serious expression on face like
you're in the Tour de fucking France.

-You wear scarfs and/or turtle necks way too often.
Okay, once in a while is acceptable (winter only), but
when your dresser is non stop t-neck, and you're
closet reminds me of Steven Tyler's mic stand, then
you need to ease...you humongous pussy.

-You wear pointy toe'd shoes. 'Nuff said pussy.

-You buy more than 5 things at CVS. Really, there are
grocery stores for a reason and i don't need to wait
20 for you to buy a gallon of milk and other food
products you clearly could buy form the bitches at
Gristedes across the street when all i need is a pack
of rubbers cause i just broke one mid-fromby and i
have to get back before she dries up, not to mention
i'm folded up cowboy style and my zipper is doing a
number on my shaft.

-You wear a cowboy hat with the sides rolled up like
you're a sorority girl from Florida State.