Fun List Fridays

We Present: Random Lists of Distinctly Selected Items. If you would like to contribute a list, please email us and include your list, list title, and post name in the body of the email. We do not discriminate or edit.

Thursday, May 25, 2006


--"Oooh, shes a little runaway"
--"wouldn't it be nice to tell the truth"
--"Shot through the heart, and you're too lame, you give love a bad name"
--"Thats what you get for falling in love, then you bleed"
--"Tell me what I got to do to make my life mean more to you"
--"If you see coach T. tell him I cut my hair"
--"An angels smile is what you sell, you promise me heaven but put me through hell"
--"I've seen love come, I've seen it shot down, I've seen it die in vain"
--"Faith: you know you're gonna live thru the rain. You gotta keep the faith--FAITH! Don't let your love turn to hate."

--Face it, 'The Devil Went Down To Georgia' is the only song you guys every wrote. Its not even on an album, just on the Southern Rock vol. 2 and Southbound Hits compilitions. weak.

--How can you say the Devil lost the fiddle/soul challenge? Where was it held: fag town? "Johnny" rosins his bow and plays his fiddle hard, but the ultimate product is completely weak. First of all theres that major chord hallelujah chorus with the "fire on the mount and run boys run" crap. Then Johnny's solo isn't even that sweet. I coulda walked into Nahsville and 100 fiddle players could've whipped up something better. Secondly, the Devil gets his band of Demons together and throws down some straight wang rock, completely taking a risk with the distortion peddle and everything, and he loses?! Bullshit Daniels.

--"Granny does your dog bite? No, child, no." Can there be a safer set of circumstances for your pussy fiddle duel? I mean, c'mon we're talking about the Devil here--its essentially apocalyptic. Lightning should be blazing on a field with demons and hillbillys attacking each other with fucking pitchforks. Instead we get dogs that don't even bite. I bet they're on leashes too. Whats next? Granny is this gun loaded? No, child, they're blanks. Granny you got any whiskey? No, child, just O'Douls.

--Just because you're a total pussy, Charlie Daniels, doesn't mean the Devil has to be. Why does he concede the golden fiddle after Johnny's weak fiddle solo? Do you really think the Devil is gonna give up so easily. You wanna try a real Devil encounter song, check out Frank Zappas "Tittys N' Beer." Now theres a devil with some damned persistence.

--I've seen pictures of you. Quit going for that Uncle Jesse from Dukes of Hazzard look. You look like an old whithered penis with a ratty beard.

--This has nothing to do with Charlie Daniels, but in an unrelated pussy call out: I just found out that Quiet Riot didn't even write "Cum On Feel The Noize." Its a fucking cover song.

--My co-worker just googled Charlie Daniels Band and I was wrong, you do have another song. Its called "Strokers Theme." I swear.

--You can't just shout out Georgia and expect insta-cred. C'mon, ATL? Dequador? No ones gonna believe you if you try to throw out the whole state. Even the Big Boss Man repped Cobb County.

--Assuming "Johnny" is the hero of this song, what the fuck does he want with a golden fiddle. You can't even play a golden fiddle. Fiddles need to be made out of wood. Does he collect golden fiddles, like, for his doll house or something. Cause hes a total mamas boy.

Friday, May 05, 2006


--First of all, look at his name: John Candy. Then picture his outfit in Armed and Dangerous--maroon security guard jacket that is about three sizes too small (basically had claim to Fat Man in a Little Coat riff years before Farley), goggles, a leather swim cap and a scarf. He looks like he belongs on Duck Tales, yet he still scores a cute, pre plastic surgery Meg Ryan (albeit Ryan was cinematically tagged by Billy Crystal. eeeease.) Then consider the awesome fact that when Candy (aka Frank Dooly) and Eugene Levy get some info out of Zeus while he's working out at the gym, Candy completely haymakers this blond weightlifter chick. And its still hilarious. Can you picture Chris Farley's goofy ass ever getting away with that.

--John Candy gives a Fletch-like comedic effort in Who Framed Harry Crumb. Chris Farley is...Beverly Hills Ninja.

--Sure, Animal House is a classic, but gimme a fuckin break. Are you one of those frat guys with the Bluto Bartowski poster in your dorm room? Ooh lets start a food fight. Lets get...REALLY drunk. Candy got offered a part in Animal House II but he turned it down to make a little classic called SPACEBALLS. You cant fuck with the Shwartz biatch. Plus he's Rockin rare Jovi in the winnebago while Lonestar rolls a doobwah. By the way, actual quote from that fag Mark Magrath on VH1: "Dude, surefire way to rock a saturday night. Get a 12 pack, call up a couple of buddies, and fire up Animal House." What a pussy. I heard he has two Crazy Town cds.

--Candy died on the set of his final movie, securing him mythic status for all eternity with Brandon Lee. Cant really fuck wit the Crow.

--Candy continually denied invitations to join Saturday Night Live because he felt loyal to his loony canadian Hoser friends at SCTV. As a direct result, SNL gets completely gay and Candy goes on to star in Speed Zone, The Great Outdoors, and Planes Trains and Automobiles, not to mention he is the Polka King of the Midwest, Gus Polinski, in Home Alone. (By the way, does anyone know the name of his band?)

--How played are drug overdoses? Seriously, everyone and their mother has overdosed on something sometime or another. Fat+Coke=Dead Comic. Sam Kinneson. John Belushi. Chris Farley. John Candy survived the motherfuckin' '80s--probably the "cokiest" decade of all. Now thats a man that knew how to handle his high.

--Belushi's big claim to fame was a Blues Brothers. Candy cameod in the Blues Brothers movies like it was no thang, then hit the set of The Great Outdoors as Chet Ripley where he carried that movie on his back. Actually Akroyd was pretty funny in that too. Other classic Candy cameos--Splash, National Lampoons Vacation, Stripes. Killin it.

--Ween dedicates "Chocolate and Cheese" to Candy. Now thats brown baby.

--Belushi rallies a bunch of frathouse rejects to get back at some preppies. Candy qualifies the Jamaican Bob Sledding team into the fucking Winter Olympics.

--Not only could John Candy play a cuddly fat guy as well as Chris Farley, but have you seen Uncle Buck. What an asshole!

--Did I mention Who Framed Harry Crumb?

LIST OF ITEMS CONSUMED DURING BREAKFAST BY THOMAS IN VEGAS. (By Gangsta) While recently in Vegas I witnessed an eating machine that could top one of the greatest athletes* of our time (kobayashi the 3 time world hot dog eating champ).
*Kobayashi was actually referred to this on ESPN

-A six egg spanish omelet with hash browns and whole wheat toast.
-The Blue Banana smoothie with a protein boost.
-An order of the special of the day... All-You-Can-Eat pancakes. (They came 4 to a plate and were over a foot in diameter.)
-A second round of the pancakes.
-Half of the person next to him's toast.
(he said he would have had a third round of the pancakes but we all needed to go gamble)