CHARLIE DANIELS AND THE CHARLIE DANIELS BAND ARE TOTAL PUSSYS (by Adrian Zhmed)

--Face it, 'The Devil Went Down To Georgia' is the only song you guys every wrote. Its not even on an album, just on the Southern Rock vol. 2 and Southbound Hits compilitions. weak.

--How can you say the Devil lost the fiddle/soul challenge? Where was it held: fag town? "Johnny" rosins his bow and plays his fiddle hard, but the ultimate product is completely weak. First of all theres that major chord hallelujah chorus with the "fire on the mount and run boys run" crap. Then Johnny's solo isn't even that sweet. I coulda walked into Nahsville and 100 fiddle players could've whipped up something better. Secondly, the Devil gets his band of Demons together and throws down some straight wang rock, completely taking a risk with the distortion peddle and everything, and he loses?! Bullshit Daniels.

--"Granny does your dog bite? No, child, no." Can there be a safer set of circumstances for your pussy fiddle duel? I mean, c'mon we're talking about the Devil here--its essentially apocalyptic. Lightning should be blazing on a field with demons and hillbillys attacking each other with fucking pitchforks. Instead we get dogs that don't even bite. I bet they're on leashes too. Whats next? Granny is this gun loaded? No, child, they're blanks. Granny you got any whiskey? No, child, just O'Douls.

--Just because you're a total pussy, Charlie Daniels, doesn't mean the Devil has to be. Why does he concede the golden fiddle after Johnny's weak fiddle solo? Do you really think the Devil is gonna give up so easily. You wanna try a real Devil encounter song, check out Frank Zappas "Tittys N' Beer." Now theres a devil with some damned persistence.

--I've seen pictures of you. Quit going for that Uncle Jesse from Dukes of Hazzard look. You look like an old whithered penis with a ratty beard.

--This has nothing to do with Charlie Daniels, but in an unrelated pussy call out: I just found out that Quiet Riot didn't even write "Cum On Feel The Noize." Its a fucking cover song.

--My co-worker just googled Charlie Daniels Band and I was wrong, you do have another song. Its called "Strokers Theme." I swear.

--You can't just shout out Georgia and expect insta-cred. C'mon, ATL? Dequador? No ones gonna believe you if you try to throw out the whole state. Even the Big Boss Man repped Cobb County.

--Assuming "Johnny" is the hero of this song, what the fuck does he want with a golden fiddle. You can't even play a golden fiddle. Fiddles need to be made out of wood. Does he collect golden fiddles, like, for his doll house or something. Cause hes a total mamas boy.