Can morph into Falcor from The Never Ending Story
Can convert Falcor to the "Dark Side of the Force" and kill Atreyu with lightning bolts from his penis.
Can execute Steven Seagal like pressure points and kill anyone...anyone!
Can make Bacon, Egg, and Cheese sandwiches appear at his fingertips
Can get high if he just thinks real hard about it
The ability to fart weed smoke
The ability to control the bowel movements of anyone worldwide
Can make Trey from Phish be his personal theme music and follow him around with a guitar while he walks