Fun List Fridays

We Present: Random Lists of Distinctly Selected Items. If you would like to contribute a list, please email us funlistfridays@gmail.com and include your list, list title, and post name in the body of the email. We do not discriminate or edit.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

FAT LADY FROM THE PLANE, YOU OWE ME SOME LOOT (by Father Blaze)

--You were so, so nice. I'm not taking that away from you. You asked me about my book and where I was going, and I replied though I am ashamed to say I could not look you in the eye because I was so CRAZY PISSED.

--A typical plane seat in economy class is approximately 17 inches. Breaking down my 9.2-hour roundtrip journey, I paid approximately $127 for those 17 inches. By my most modest calculations, you owe me $27.70 for the four inches of comfort and privacy you robbed me of.

--Let's round that figure up to $30 for that spot where your massive thigh was rubbing against me the whole 2.5-hour flight. Add another $5 (again modest) for our shared armrest having to be up because your dump truck could not fit in the seat when it was down. If I wanted to put my seat back, I had to pretend like it wasn't embarrassing for you (yes, I was concerned about your feelings, too) for me to ask you to lean forward so I could pull out the armrest a little and push in my button.

--Good thing I didn't want to see the in-flight movie, your shoulder fat was hindering my view of the screen, forced to view the screen that was too far away. Thanks for that too.

--I by no means hate fat people. I believe in the freedom to do or eat anything you want so long as it does not infringe on my freedom. This is purely a matter of financial injustice.

--I'm just saying that if you need two seats, pay for two seats. Don't hate because I paid just as much, if not more, for those precious 17 inches of limited plane space.

--If you're out there, please mail $34.63 before January 8 or $34.61 after (I'll pay for the stamp--it's only fair).

3 Comments:

  • At 10:02 AM, Anonymous Source2 said…

    Seriously you hippo. Ease off my brosef. There are worse things in life. Take the two siamese twins that are joined at the waist. One of them is straight, the other one is gay. The gay one's boyfriend is coming over in 20 minutes. Considering they share the same asshole, how do you think the straight one will feel?

     
  • At 7:59 PM, Anonymous Infinite Justice said…

    EASE off the "best of craigslist"! intel prop ass pirate.

    I have this strange feeling that I've read this somewhere before...

     
  • At 10:19 PM, Anonymous Albert "al" Jazerra said…

    I swear- if I see another CL job up in this piece, I'll be on the next LUV flight down to SoCal to crotch stomp your bitch ass. Oh, and LUV is a ticker symbol... plebeian.

     

Post a Comment

<< Home