Top 5 reasons LHawk hasn’t put out a list in 748 days…(LHwak)

1. After graduating college, he went straight to truck driving school to follow in the foot steps of his idol Lincoln Hawk. LHawk is currently ranked in the top ten for arm wrestlers for his age, weight, height, completion of college, and number of times he has seen Twisted Sister live.
2. He has spent the passed two years buffing up with Chuck Norris for his role as the new sidekick in Sidekicks 2. Tagline: Twice the punches, twice the roundhouses, twice the moustaches, and twice the homosexuality.
3. After changing his name to Gabriel Cash, he signed up for the Police Academy, but after his boot gun malfunctioned from a freak mullet/tank-top accident. He is currently unavailable for another 10-15 years.
4. He picked up playing the guitar and got good enough and tried to start his own band. Apparently nobody wants to be in a band called- “Skull Fucking Phish and Every Other Hippie in Vermont.” They are currently seeking a drummer, bass player, rhythm guitarist, and groupies. Please post resume.
5. He has been waiting in a line at a movie theatre to make sure he gets tickets to Rocky 6.