Fun List Fridays

We Present: Random Lists of Distinctly Selected Items. If you would like to contribute a list, please email us funlistfridays@gmail.com and include your list, list title, and post name in the body of the email. We do not discriminate or edit.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

LITTLE KNOWN CHUCK NORRIS FACTS (By Gangsta) (with the following note attached: Someone sent this to me and I had to submit it. By the way, I still call my hog Delta Force)

**This will be the last chuck norris or jack bauer list we accept. if you have any other little known jack bauer or chuck norris facts, just post them in the comments. Unless you are jack bauer, or chuck norris.
thanks, FLF Mgmnt.

-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

-Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the
probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.

-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
Wednesday of the month.

-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

-To prove! it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked
15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds
of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat
that, Lance Armstrong.

-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for
Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

-A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you
know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this
man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw,
was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes
only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has
not had to pay taxes ever.

-Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first
45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

-As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in
the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972
Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional
football history.

-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.

-Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

-A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for
handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot
belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park
there.

-Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the
best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the
worst mistake anyone has ever made.

-Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is
afraid of the dark, but the dark! is afraid of Chuck Norris

-According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually
roundhouse kick you yesterday.

-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris

-Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the
man ate a fucking Indian.

-Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck,
to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he
taketh away.

-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

-If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

-Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win
the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get
out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4
card from the game UNO.

-At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick
the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris

-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

-Hurricane Katrina was on a corse headed for the set of Walker, Texas Ranger. Chuck stole the nearest helicopter and flew it out to meet the hurricane while it was in the Gulf of Mexico. He then jumped out of the helicopter and round-house kicked it. This moved the huricane towards Lousianna. The impact from his kick also upgraded the strenght of the hurricane from catagory 3 to catogory 6 which is known amoung weather forcasters as catagory Chuck Norris.

6 Comments:

  • At 3:25 AM, Anonymous Margaret Thatcher said…

    Let's be honest here...FLF has hit an alltime low, copying other websites that produce chuck norris/Jack Bauer lists...it'd be funnier if the authors actually made them up like:
    - Chuck Norris once ate 4 hot dogs in one sitting.
    - Chuck Norris has smoked in an airplane lavatory.
    - Chuck Norris routinely takes more than 8 Tylenol Gelcaps in 24 hours without consulting a physician.
    - Chuck Norris knows Vanilla Ice by his real name, Robert Van Winkle.
    - Chuck Norris isn't afraid to order a Shirley Temple.
    - Chuck Norris does not backup his hard drive, even though he's read that he should.
    - Chuck Norris supports a flat tax.

     
  • At 7:29 AM, Anonymous Source2 said…

    Margaret Thatcher is not funny. None of these are. Why is 4 hot dogs in one sitting funny? I have eaten 12 hotdogs from Walters in one sitting. Maybe FLF would not be considered as an all time low because you can't write anything funy enough for us to post. Write something original allstar and send it in. Yes...I am calling you out.

     
  • At 3:30 PM, Anonymous Sheriff said…

    Seriously, Margaret, you are lame. Me and Schwardo once ate 20 hot dogs combined....and they all had moldy buns, and we were in fucking Panama (and I'm so bad I purposely use shitty grammar...). Schwardo just told me you are a "fat British cunt." Word.

     
  • At 1:27 PM, Anonymous John Bunnell said…

    Listen up Margaret...You suck rectum and your not funny, at ALL. Back up your hard drive? EASE UP Gates. I bet you Dave Coulier is even funnier than you, so go suck it chump...

     
  • At 8:32 AM, Anonymous Grady said…

    I don't know about you, but I am just in stitches over Thatcher's list. Let's be honest here...that is some funny *poop*. I'll bet Chuck Norris drives 60 in a 55 zone... and doesn't use his turn signal.

     
  • At 1:11 PM, Anonymous FLF Management said…

    I bet Grady and Thatcher spoon together at night and whisper sweet nothings in each others ears...h-mo's please stop posting.

     

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