ACTUAL PORTION OF THE "L" HIP-HOP/RAP SECTION AT THE SAN DIEGO TOWER RECORDS ON SPORTS ARENA BOULEVARD (by Kid Springsteen)

--Lil' Blacky
--Lil' Bow Wow
--Lil' Cuete
--Lil' Flip
--Lil' Head
--Lil' Jon
--Lil' Keke
--Lil' Mac
--Lil' Ric (Rap)
--Lil' Rob
--Lil' Rowdy
--Lil' Sicko
--Lil' Troy
--Lil' Ty
--Lil' Wayne
--Lil' Wyte

HIERARCHY OF SEXUAL ACTS IN ORDER OF DECREASING PLEASURE (by BK)

1) Oral (receiving)
2) Masturbation (a.k.a. "The Real Thing)
3) Actual, cardiovascular sex
4) Handjobs (do people still do these
5) Oral (performing)
6) Math (performing)


MY DADS ALL TIME FAVORITE NHL FANTASY LINEUP (by Kid Springsteen)

G-Mike Richter (circa 1994)
F- Wayne Gretzky
F- Mark Messier
F- Adam Graves
D- Brian Leetch
D- Don Mattingly

SCENTS THAT I THINK WOULD MAKE GOOD COLOGNES (by Kid Springsteen)

--Gasoline
--Chex Mix Bold
--Smoked Barbeque Ribs
--Swisher Sweets Black and Mild
--Bourbon
--Skunk (you might think this scent is too pungent for a good cologne, but if you take a good whiff of a recently sprayed skunk while you're driving you'll say "God Damn" like that coke whore Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. Its kind of like sniffing your finger after you stick it in your ass and then getting a boner. Uh...did I just write that?


STORES I WOULD LOOT IF THERE WAS EVER A RIOT IN LARCHMONT CIRCA 1996 (by Kid Springsteen)

--Sweet N' Nutty. Look, I know there is a jewelry store on the corner and a citibank down the street, but I got 400 yards of uncut Sour Power son! Lets rock.

--Listening Material. Besides the fact that Frank was just bitter because his biceps weren't big enough to win him 1st prize in that Glen Danzig lookalike contest, Listening Material was a decent music store. I mean serious props to that Moby looking employee who coined the Dick from High Fidelity look 5 years before High Fidelity was even a movie. I would take all of the overpriced box sets and the Ticketmaster machine.

--Leonardo's. The looting would definitely have to take place during lunch hours on a schoolday to ensure I get a just out of the oven pie of fresh Si. Plus I'd steal a pair of that really fat guys pants. I don't know why.

--Season's Too LTD. I don't think that there is anything in this store that I want, but if I'm fucking shit up with, like, a pipe or something, I trash that patio furniture out and won't stop until someone tells me what the fuck is up with the name. Why all the pretension fellas? Seasons. Season's Too. Season's Too LTD? WTF??!! Are you an electronica band?

--Competition. Why not, its right next door. Gimme some of those TIGER model Christians, Novak. Oh and throw in a roll of clear, and a roll of black cloth.

--The Nautilus. Fuck those guys. I'd sling back a couple of White Russians, dominate some chicken fingers, and then stuff my pockets with those jelly-filled mints. Then I'd release the lobsters.

--Larchmont Beverage. Sure, you might want to grab a couple of 40s or maybe even roll out a keg. But this is 1996. I just want whatever beer posters have the hottest chicks on them. And some coke in a bottle.

--The Corner Store. Porn.

--Larchmont Store. Have you really taken a look inside the Larchmont Store in the last 10 years. Creepy. I bet the last time you were in there you were rushing straight down the aisle for the toys. But you head over two aisles and its like a fucking sweatshop. And they have a basement. I think I heard a bunch of kids from Taiwan crying one time. Those old ladies are crazy, with their yarn and their romance novels and their arthritis. You know what, fuck it, Im not even gonna loot that place. Freakz

--Marty Doyles. Curly fries and ribs. "Hold on to the night. Hold onto the memories." --R. Marx

I LIKE HOW... (BY BROCKTOON)

--I like how guys who use umbrellas actually think they still have testicles.
--I like how I can watch Project Runway, get all giddy when Jay McCarroll wins, and still go out and pull the wool at the bars.
--I like how even in the midst of the biggest snow storm of the year I can still get killer weed delivered to my door.
--I like how my ex-girlfriend actually thinks I'm mature enough to meet her new boyfriend.
--I like how I don't even know who T. Guy Minetti is but every time I hear his name I laugh uncontrollably.
--I like how old lady's think they're immune to getting the shoulder dropped on them Larry Czonka style while getting on the subway before letting people off.
--I like how some people (that's right girls, you're included in this one too) feel that the right time to rip a fart is when I'm walking up the stairs behind them, ass to face. Thanks buddy, that tasted great!


THOUGHTS THAT COME TO MIND WHILE DRIVING BY RICHIE'S PARENTS' NEW AND IMPROVED HOUSE (BY BROCKTOON)

--Richie would've been a great choice to play Mike "Rizzo" Eruzione in Miracle.
--Kurt Russell Rules!
--Remember that time we tied Richie to a fence by his shoelaces?
--I think Chris S's head was permanently dented on the pole in Richie's basement during a vicious game of "check".
--So...where's the highschool keg party tonight? I need to get my statutory on.
--Queeb is a funny word. I like funny words.
--Man, Donny Wahlberg would totally kick Mark Wahlberg's ass in an acting fight.
--What the fuck is an acting fight?
--What would T. Guy Minetti do? (this thought is not only limited to driving by Richie's parents' house)

WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED IN THE 2005 YANKS vs REDSOX OPENER AND OTHER RANDOM THOUGHTS I HAD(Source2)

1. Jason Giambi gets busted in the first inning with a corked bat. He reacts to his showcased guilt with a mysterious nosebleed.
2. Jason's brother Jeremey Giambi gets busted with 2 pounds of pure uncut cocaine in the womens public bathroom. Witnesses said he was actually dressed like a woman with make up and everything and a dress. He was then trying to pose as a lesbian and flirt rather agressively.
3. It seems that players eventually join the Yankees just to have a reason to grow the best mustaches of their careers.
4. The camera zoomed in on Curt Shillings crotch only to reveal a large and rather obvious red blood stain and a camela toe. Weird.
5. Jason Veritek got a small section of his catchers chest protector removed to showoff his gay captains "C" . We are all aware that every once and a while a team names a captain, but we also know that it is gay to actually wear the "C" on your jersey. This is not Pee-wee hockey, it is baseball. A move this gay actually has not been seen in in MLB history since Mets super-loser pitcher John Franco circa de mustache. Obviously Jason Veritak did not purchase Nature Boy Rick Flairs new novel titled, "How to be the Man"
6. Play all of a sudden stops in the fourth inning during the Red Sox at bat when cameras capture Johnny Damon and Mark Belhourn getting into a slap fight over a scrungee. No one was hurt in the incident but Kevin Millar was seen in the background jerking off. He is up for review with the MLB board on Thursday, the 7th. Poor kids.
7. Fun List Friday's writer LHawk parachutes to the field during the seventh inning stretch and shreds an electric airguitar solo from "We're not gonna take it" by Twisted Sister. FLF's highly advanced and often illegal Research and Development team informed us that Dee Snider was caught jerking off to this scene at his Los Angles home.