Top Ten Things Going Through Source2's Mind When He Punched Me in the Dick on the Dancefloor at Brian's Wedding

(By The Sheriff)

10. He was super-pissed when he found out the girl he was grinding on all night was married to a British guy. A women's-soccer-coaching British guy, no less.

9. He was super-pissed when the Sheriff refused his man-embrace and sought revenge for his unrequited physical intimacy.

8. He was drunker than a Canadian on Boxing Day.

7. He wanted to impress his parents, who were standing ten feet away and saw it all, including the Sheriff's slow spiral to the ground as he clutched his dick in agony.

6. Sheriff looks kind of like his sister. Source2 totally wants to fuck the Sheriff's sister. Or punch her in the crotch....

5. He was thinking about driving his Rigarelli in traffic, and the Slippery-When-Wet-era Jovi that DJ Gibroni's chubby older cousin Bobby was playing put him over the top. Too pissed to function, he lashed out at the innocent, moves-bustin' Sheriff....

4. Extreme jealousy of the Sheriff's magnetic dance moves, including the now legendary "Frying Pan," courtesy of Brocktoon.

3. Two words: Dustin Pedroia.

2. Muscular Tourrette's!

1. He thought the Sheriff was a donkey

I have a MAJOR BEEF with pride (Source2)

Ease Sam Adams commercials…EASE HARD. We get it, you guys are from Boston and you love beer. We don’t need the entire glory boy speech about your process. You don’t make the best beer. BUDWEISER is the KING OF BEERS and Sam Adams taste like doodee. Stop being so damn proud. Besides Bud has the best marketing ever with the Budweiser Real Men of Genius commercials featuring the 80 style ballad singing of Dave the EYE of THE TIGER Bickler who is the lead singer of Survivor which means he bros rock hard with Sly Stallone. Sam Adams bros with Jason Veritek. So I officially have a huge beef with you as well as these two individuals i am about to rip into right now below because they are all following a very similar theme that i am sure most of you will agree with. If you dont, you probably drink Sam Adams light and you should reevaluate your life goals and go hang out with the chumps who read this blog and only post comments. EASE



1. John “Cougar” Mellancamp being synonymous with America and this whole country glory boy, blue collar truck driving bullshit

Fuck off jack and Diane you pussy. Yea im the cougar and I have a chevy truck because I am from the south and im tough…I wear levi jeans and cowboy boots and I have a white t shirt with my Marlboro reds roled up in my sleeve like im Greg fucking Christian. I also like redman and acoustic guitars, and rocking chairs, sunflower seeds, apple pies, Sheppard’s pie and I am all about Coors Original because BUDWEISER said I could not bro with them because they already have Source2 as an official sponsor (see Apple's wedding). I also have been given the god given talent to be associated with baseball and its past time. EAT SHIT…EAT MY SHIT



2. The next individual that lost all street credit and respect is Jon Bon Jovi

What happened to you man? You used to be living on a prayer and now you are all about how this is your life and you love this town and shit. You own an Arena football team in Philly, you have no right being interviewed at Yankee stadium during a huge elimination playoff game in the 8th inning because new york does not care about what your sell out NEW JERSEY ass has to say. Which brings us to another list in the making…reasons why Jon Bon Jovi is NOT a cowboy…reason 1…you are FROM NEW JERSEY. You grew up on the beach on the jersey shore going to the board walk carnival you screaming dickhead. You like cotton candy, funnel cake and ski ball…you don’t round up cattle and clean up pig shit. You don’t even have a horse. Just because you wrote the song blaze of glory on the young guns 2 sounds track does not make you officially a cowboy and the mechanical bull at wildwood does NOT count. So I do not know where this came from. you also have officially starting singing country songs. WTF??? I want bad medicine and You Give love a bad name. You give NJ a bad name you lame ass. Cowboys don’t get there hair cut in salons either you pretty boy make up wearing bitch cunt…you have officially been served by SOURCE to tha motha trucking 2

ACTUAL TITLES FOUND ON iTUNES WHILST CRUISING IN THE TOBY KEITH SECTION. DON'T ASK ME WHY I WAS THERE, AND TAKE NOTE, I LEFT A LOT OF SONGS OFF THIS (By Brocktoon)

-I Love This Bar

-Courtesy Of The Red White And Blue

-Beer For My Horses

-Get Drunk And Be Somebody

-The Taliban Song

-Honkytonk U

-Weed With Willie

-I Love This Bar (Acoustic)

-Get My Drink On

-My List

-I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying (W/Sting)

-If I Was Jesus

-Santa, I'm Right Here

-Hell No

If you were ever to get busted with one of these posters in your room, you would be considered the "creepy" kid from here on out: posted by (BauerOut and Source 2)

-Devils former net minder; Chris Terreri.
-A poster of Bill and Ted. This alone doesn't sound too creepy. The Creepiness comes into play when Keuana Reeves face is ripped out of the poster only to be replaced with your future sex offender steeze.
-Jesse and the Rippers doing an unplugged session with Ray Pruet.
-The Nasty Boys In an intense game of thumb wrestling.
-Mike O'maley and Dan Cortez climbing the Agro Crag.
-Giuseppe Franco geling Gary Buseys hair.
-Super Fly Jimmy Snucka as a referee.
-Just Billy Baldwin....thats it.
-Bobby Budnik and Tom Hanks friend in BIG back to back Double Impact status.
-The Olsen Twins at age 4?....