Fun List Fridays

We Present: Random Lists of Distinctly Selected Items. If you would like to contribute a list, please email us and include your list, list title, and post name in the body of the email. We do not discriminate or edit.

Friday, May 04, 2007


Parents--parents just don't understand

Girlfriend/wife/so-called "Friends"--Your main resistance in chasing a street hockey dream will come from one of these sources. They will claim to know whats best for you, but obviously they don't have a clue. If your girlfriend really knew what was best for you, she'd quit bitching at you to "give it up" and strap on some goalie pads so you can work on your shootout dekes. Then you finally convice her to get in goal and she sucks. WTF? Your so-called "Friends" may act like you're wasting your time, but deep down they would sell their souls to have a dream like yours. They're boring and have boring jobs and boring lives and probably think 'throwing sauce' has something to do with tabasco. To paraphrase local street hockey legend James "Perry" "Golden Boy" Webler: I don't have friends, I have linemates and opponents.

Weak Netting--Did the Research and Development team at Mylec forget to test the netting on regulation street hockey goals? How is it possible that the ball either goes through the netting, or knocks down the goal altogether? True, and real gamer knows that you have to tape up the whole net to really make it work, but C'mon Myelec, that's just lazy. And it's fucking up my dream.**also, a game is a game, and who am I to complain, but you're not really living the dream unless the net has a roof. how else am I going to knock the water bottle off on a backhand in triple overtime?

Dinnertime--Dinnertime is a killer! It's been known to short circuit many a seven game series into a game 2 and a half next goal wins situation, and that's not 'on'.

Chris Tortorella--Nothing can derail a potential street hockey dream like this Portuguese Water Rat. Defense, Offense, he's got it covered. Stick him in goal and he's Marty Brodeur. The first Larchmont kid to figure out how to slide with those plastic goalie pads, he also has an aggressive poke check and a mean two pad stack. Your only option is to get him on your team or sell him your porn collection and hope he doesn't show up for the game. **oddly enough, Turtle is not a good street hockey goalie.

This douchbag across from me on the plane while I'm writing this list--I'm sure this asshole doesn't play street hockey, but he's the type of cynical dream-fascist that can squash any hopes by his sheer negativity. First of all, he looks just like Glen Gulia from Wedding Singer, except instead of the Miami Vice gear he's rocking the typical "Midwest-corporate-sales-guy-on-vacation" uniform (Ray Bans on top of head, button-down short sleever with some "Whacky" print on it, jean shorts, white socks, white Reeboks). Secondly, he won't stop complaining about everything. It's a red-eye dude, Go to sleep or got sit in the bathroom and stew, but shut the fuck up already! He was in front of me at the metal detector station and embarrassed the shit out of his wife when she accidentally got caught with a bottle of water in her carry-on. Way to show some backbone asshole--she's your wife. Big deal, we had to waste all of 8 seconds while they confiscated the bottle and asked her if she had anymore. You didn't have to apologize profusely and roll your eyes and call her a moron like you're some babydick pussy. This isn't the rodeo, Luke Perry. 8 seconds ain't that big a deal.

A Stickball Game--Fuck, are you serious? Stickball is cool and all, but there are only 3 of you and you're taking up the entire big playground. I have a whole armada of friends ranging in age of all 3 Baiocco brothers and we're ready to rock.

Linechanges--WTF? How are you suppossed to break the Murray Ave small playground summer scoring record when you're on the sidelines? Rules are if you wanna play, bring someone to keep the teams even. I'd rather play (and have) 15 on 15 then do linechanges. Also, uniforms are gay and way too official for street hockey. Jerseys are fine. That is why it is perfectly acceptable for 3 guys on the same team to be wearing a Boston College jersey, an old school North Stars jersey, and a Santa Cruz skateboards t-shirt and all know what's up. I wore a flannel shirt for six years! People haven't seen that kind of commitment to plaid since Neil Young toured Jones Beach with Crazy Horse.

Diarrhea--Nothing, and I mean nothing is more distracting than diarrhea. It has been known to kill more than a street hockey dream, but a date, a job interview, an SAT test, and trip to the mall. I don't really mind the actual diarrhea (makes the toilet paper look like a mix between a Jackson Pollock painting and a Operation Dessert Storm Camo-print) but its the fact that you could conceivably shit your pants at any moment that makes one wary of going all out on a breakaway. Let me put it this way, a guy is 95% less likey to risk going deke on a breakaway if he has any inkling of diarrhea and goalies know this. If a Goalie senses your mud-spit he's thinking shot all the way.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

My favorite movie quotes of the week excluding Sly Stallone
movies (LHawk)

From 'A League of Their Own'-
Ira Lowenstein:I personally like that move in the third inning when you scratched your balls for half an hour.
Jimmy Dugan: Well, anything worth doing is worth doing right.

From 'Major League'-
Jake Taylor: I play for the Indians.
Chaire Holloway: Here in Cleveland? I didn't know they still had a team!
Jake Taylor: Yup, we've got uniforms and everything, it's really great!

From 'The Great Outdoors'-
Roman: Pontoon boat? Whaddya going to do with a pontoon boat? Retake Omaha Beach?

From 'Captain Ron'-
[as Ben moves Captain Ron's beer]
Captain Ron: Hey. Get your hands off that.
Benjamin Harvey: I was just moving it. I wasn't gonna drink it.
Captain Ron: You bet your little booty, you wasn't.
You want a beer, you get your own beer.

From 'Teen Wolf'-
Coach Finstock: There are three rules that I live by:
never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.

Sorry, the Bacon/Slater list got scratched because it was a no brainer, and I couldn't find a good movie that Bacon was in other than 'Tremors'. Quick recap though...Slater won.
I Found this list in a lost email from months ago and it was too funny not to post

People who I think probably bro together (Source2, Bauerout, Kid Springsteen)

2006 Yankee backup catcher Kelly Stinnet and the keyboard player From Bon Jovi

2006 Yankee backup catcher who replaces Stinnet, Sal Fasano definitly bros with the guy with the mustache from City Slickers and when Harry met sally. Also Dustin Hoffman in Hook

John Cena from WWF and Mark Walberg (funky bunch era)

The other dad from "my two dads" not Paul Risner and Mr.

Turner from Boy meets world or the lead singer of the Beegees

Corey Ham's dad from Fast getaway and the dad from Blossom

Mr Chubet and Farris Buellers dad

Bill Murray from Ghostbusters and Steve Guttenburg from Police Academy 2.
Although now Guttenburg just hangs out with Spuds Mackenzie and thinks back on better times.

Denunzio from Caddyshack and the younger guy who works at Nickys Pizza in Larchmont. The older guy with Mustache and white blotches on his arms that I always thought was flour from the dough who still barely speaks english hates Denunzio.

Chris Miller's dad who ran Little League for like 100 years bros with the fat guy who put on HellTrack in the movie Rad. They get sloppy brown drunk at the Shore Club and Mr. Hurt always has to tell the bartender to cut them off.

The Hamburglar and Grimace always bro together. Thats fact.