FATHEADS I WOULD BUY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON (By Blue Moon Cut-off)


Jared from subway pre 6-grams or less diet

Wilbon and Kornheiser 2-head one body (optional body – big black man or small jewish boy)

Pete Wentz with glow in the dark guyliner

Benito Santiago (face only)

Sal Fasano with removable bud heavy bottle and Sicilian slices

Steven Seagal

Jeff the Drunk

Kevin Youkilis with removable goatee

The BK King

Mr. Belvedere

Your mom

ACTUAL TITLES OF CD MIXES FOUND IN BAUER OUT'S CASELOGIC (By Bauer Out and Kid Springsteen)

--Operation O.T.C. (One Tough Cop) by DJ Brass
--Are You Ready For The Hurricane? Mix
--Vance
--Get Radical Mix
--Fist of Fury Mix
--$
--Air Goodman Coming At You! Mix
--Benni Benassi J Hood Large Penis Mix
--Shred Fest '07
--Return of the Minyetti
--Hi Five/Low Five Mix
--Casey Rybeck Jams
--"But What If You're Tough?" Mix
--John Heat Memorial Prison Greatest Hits
--Mandatory Bandanna by MC Rec Spectaculaire

Reasons Why Sammy Hagar Can't Drive 55 (by Kid Springsteen and BauerOut)

--He is a total pussy. David Lee Roth can drive 56 no prob.

--He can't reach the pedals. Max coasting speed down a hill in Cabo San Lucas is 54.

--He was thinking about his moped when he wrote that song.

-- (drunk at a party, getting defensive when people keep asking him about it): "na man, it's a rental car...its got one of those caps on the speedometer so you don't take it out on the highway. You can't drive 55 with that crap"
(Eddie Van Halen): "Whatever man, watch me play this guitar solo with this drill."

--His grandmother won't let him, and after all, its her rig.

--After two bottles of Mas Tequilla he persuades Bon Jovi ex-bassist Alec Jon Such into giving him road head. Such's position is so aggressive that Hagar can't push down on the gas pedal any harder.

--He can't go over 55 because he doesn't want to pass a motorcycle cavalcade blaring PANAMA!!!!

--If you listen to "Right Now" backwards Doc Brown's voice convinces you that at 55 mph your Delorian will bring you back in time...back to a time when Roth ruled Van Halen, and thats just too much for Lil Hagar to deal with. He instead doesn't drive 55 and chooses to hideout in the fort he built in his extra baggy white-tiger Zuma pants