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Thursday, November 01, 2007

Reasons Why Sammy Hagar Can't Drive 55 (by Kid Springsteen and BauerOut)

--He is a total pussy. David Lee Roth can drive 56 no prob.

--He can't reach the pedals. Max coasting speed down a hill in Cabo San Lucas is 54.

--He was thinking about his moped when he wrote that song.

-- (drunk at a party, getting defensive when people keep asking him about it): "na man, it's a rental car...its got one of those caps on the speedometer so you don't take it out on the highway. You can't drive 55 with that crap"
(Eddie Van Halen): "Whatever man, watch me play this guitar solo with this drill."

--His grandmother won't let him, and after all, its her rig.

--After two bottles of Mas Tequilla he persuades Bon Jovi ex-bassist Alec Jon Such into giving him road head. Such's position is so aggressive that Hagar can't push down on the gas pedal any harder.

--He can't go over 55 because he doesn't want to pass a motorcycle cavalcade blaring PANAMA!!!!

--If you listen to "Right Now" backwards Doc Brown's voice convinces you that at 55 mph your Delorian will bring you back in time...back to a time when Roth ruled Van Halen, and thats just too much for Lil Hagar to deal with. He instead doesn't drive 55 and chooses to hideout in the fort he built in his extra baggy white-tiger Zuma pants


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