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Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Sorry for the long delay but we are in the process of making FLF a real website. Plenty of new material has been written. Sorry for the wait, get over it. Source2

HERE IS WHY I AM PISSED (Source2)

The guy from the free credit report commercials is way too fucking happy. "Im thinking of a number...can you guess what it is?? its 750! and its my Credit Score!" Who cares dude, you look like JD Roth who was the host on that gay Double Dare/GUTS wannabe show Funhouse. No one is that pumped about credit reports, trust me. Im trying to figure this guy out...If you were such a star you would not be on the commercial in the first place. I dont get why people stoop to that level for a career. I mean honestly, the guy has good presentation skills, speaks well, and the best he can land is the freecreditreport.com commercial??? Does he scream pussy so loud that no one else would hire him? I guess thats why. who the fuck knows, im pissed.

The only time to pay a parking ticket in my town is from 9am-3pm. Who the fuck operates during these hours?? Most people are already at work by 9am and dont leave until at least 6pm. This town fuck up is the reason I have 30 parking tickets over the last two years that always double for not paying within a month of the ticket becaus ei dont have the time. oh yea not open on the weekend!! what the fuck?? My first option is to fill out a money order at the bank which is stupid because money orders are gay and the bank is not open before 8am anyway when I leave for work and is closed by the time I get home. Since I dont have lunch breaks, I cant go during the day. My second option is to show up to work late, which is not something i can do easily do without lying my ass off. (flat tire, diarrea, ect)what a pain in my ass, i am pissed.

I cant get over all of these stupid commercials that are only put on tv to show that the company supports black, spanish, asian, people...you know exactly what i am talking about. the black ones are the funniest because you always have the black wife/girlfriend portraying the smart, sophisticated, career/goal oriented individual with her shit together but is married to some dumb, sports hero, beer drinking, party animal, that has no backbone and gets dragged around by his johnson. Like the new verizon fios commercial where the black husband is all concerned he cant make it to the family picnic or some shit becaus ehe has to download like 5 movies, then all of a sudden his wife puts her foot/attitude down and the files are downloaded because she had the brains to switch to the fastest internet on planet earth. I hate that shit. Everyone knows that anything technical in the home is done by the guy...unless you are living in Mass and you are a homo...by the way...fucking ease gap/old navy commmercials. You guys are the worst. Why is there always a black girl with an afro, a black bald guy going for the tiger woods look (meaning white), the all amercian white quarterback/captain of the lacrosse team, the dumb blonde, the asian guy with black frame glasses with a laptop?? Have you ever seen that mix in a bar getting wasted together? Of course not, thats because it never fucking happens because that is not reality. What has this world come to? I am pissed

I cant find a pair of shoes to wear with dress shorts. Lets define dress shorts real quick. I feel gay even writing that I own dress shorts because I am rarely in them. Dress shorts to me are simple khaki or plain shorts with no design on them. so no quicksilver surfing shorts, abercrombie flowers and butterflies, or something with a chinese dragon on them. What do you wear with dress shorts? I dont rock sandals because my feet are ugly so that idea is out, I dont own loafers becasue I was not in cady shack and I dont have a boat. Basically I am left with just rocking sneakers and just dealing. Fine by me, but it still pisses me off that there are just not enough options out there. I can't where my zach morris high tops everywhere...right?

The one kid in your group of friends that has a girlfriend. Ok, everyone knows this guy. It is funny because it is like musical chairs. It rotates between groups of friends. There is always one kid that ends up with a girlfriend when no one else has one... We have all been there playing the role and getting ripped on by our friends for being "whipped" and never hanging out, blah blah blah...but every once in a while one friend emerges acting like the Mole from that Tv show. No information is safe with this guy because he is telling his girlfriend EVERYTHING, no matter what. You could be like... " Dude I double teamed this 17 year old chick the other night at 2am because my buddy and I were giving her a shot of Jager after every beer. You should have seen it. I was going down on her and finger blasting her bald landing pad, while my buddy was at the top of the bed feeding his meat in her mouth like a god damn deli slicer! The funniest thing was the ride home at 6am three towns over where she was proceeding to give my buddy road head. I had left a few hours earlier and was on a plane to Europe by the time that chick even woke up. Insane! How horny can you be?? She wasnt even in college yet!" I of course dont feel like I have to tell my friend not to tell his girlfriend for obvious creepy reasons...So then three days later, this kids girlfriend is like, " I can't believe you and ____, you guys are gross, im never hooking you up with any of my friends" This is where I get pissed...bullshit! A story highlighting details of a roast is strictly guy talk, its like a fucking lockerroom. It is sacred. Besides, hey Mole...serves you no good to tell your girlfriend about how cool and nuts your friends are because deep down inside she will view you as this passive pussy who is not wild and crazy and really good in bed...aka "Fun Bobby" Over time she will be dreaming of getting filled out like the common application for the SAT's on her dads study couch by me and my team while you are going down on her trying to see if that tongue twisting tornado orgasim move from American Pie really works. Fucking loser. I am pissed.

2 Comments:

  • At 1:15 PM, Anonymous Barry Blondes said…

    Damn. That was pretty epic, T. I haven't visited FLF for a while but I hear you on these fronts:

    -Verizon fios black couple commercial
    -Town parking ticket trap
    -Pussywhipped friend who think it's "cool"

    nice jahb.

     
  • At 6:52 AM, Anonymous Lincoln "I'm gonna rip your arm off" Hawk said…

    The bum I see everyday walking to work, still drunk from last night, and sleeping on a heat vent when it's 95 degrees out. What are you a squirrel trying to store heat for the winter? Trust me having five jackets on and chilling in a sleeping bag is probably enough. Stop asking me for a quarter. That's the reason you are there in the first place. You got to set your goals higher. Ask me for a twenty spot and I might be so shocked that I might give it to you...anyways, I'm pissed

    oh yeah....La Guardia is the single worst airport in the world. I can just picture all the air traffic controllers with their Protecs on trying to decide if they're directing planes or playing asteroids...gotta love when the pilot comes on says we are gonna be delayed because we almost backed into another plane. "No biggie guys, happens everyday"

     

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