MUSINGS ON VARIOUS CELEBRITY/NON-FAMOUS LOOK-ALIKES (by Ty Webb)
--Dean Rocchio/Steve Guttenberg. Both share the sweet afroturf common to dark-haired men of Italian or Jewish heritage. Both are extremely funny while also being exceedingly scary when armed. For Guttenberg the never-ending Police Academy movies were his high-point of achievement. Rocchio achieved similar cult status when he managed to display his ball bag in the senior picture on the stands of the football field and not get caught. Hey, school is nuts.
--Baiocco Brothers/Savage Brothers. Many a person can and will attest to this theory/universal reality: at one time or another the Baioccos and Savages have been dead-ringers for each other. Too bad they never got to bone Winnie Cooper or that Tapanga chick, but it must have been helpful watching your look-alikes go through all that adolescent trauma and learning valuable moral lessons from it.
--Brendan McGonigle/Richie Baiocco/Eddie Vedder. McGonigle looks like Vedder, and Baiocco looks like McGonigle, hence this look-alike reference. Upon receipt of Richie's New York State Driver's license, it was learned that an underaged McGonigle was indistinguishable from a circa 1994 picture of Baiocco. McGonigle is also the subject of another Fun List Friday list: POSSIBLE REASONS THAT MY FRIEND BRENDAN MCGONIGLE MIGHT BE GAY.
--Mike "Chappy" Chiapperelli/Ronald McDonald (circa 1991). These red-haired enigmas were an everpresent part of high school life at MHS. One physically located across the street, while the other seemed to be coaching from the Golden Arches considering some of the lame-ass decisions he made from behind the bench. UPDATE!...It has come to my attention that a new set of Ronald McDonald appearances, complete with a buff physical appearance and a penchant for sadistic exercise has been slated for a summer 2005 release to coincide with the corporations hip, trendy and physically fit image. The commercials will feature a PSA with the new Ronald helping Chappy to cart off confiscated kegs from lunchtime woodland gatherings to discourage underage drinkers. Both will be sporting size "Vern Troyer" monogrammed athletic shorts and size "Andre The Giant" calves.
--T. Guy Minetti/?. This everyman has never been spotted in public, however there are reports from our Fun List Friday field correspondents that he has an earring, a wild mane and also a wicked jump shot much like Michael J. Fox in "Teen Wolf". Also rumors that T dot Guy surfs to work on the roof of his van and whenever he walks into his office at 1-800-FLOWERS, "Futures So Bright (I Gotta Wear Shades) rips at full volume from speakers hidden in flower pots. FLF's own Storm T. Renegade is currently investigating.
--Dr. Peter Baiocco/Billy Joel. Maybe if Joel trims down while in alcohol rehab he can try to compete with Dr. B's mean fighting weight of 174lbs of Judo badness. Additionally, the refridgerator picture of Dr. B on the motorcycle during Medical School is much more outlaw than Billy throwing rocks through glass houses.
--Bob Novak/Nick Nolte. They both made looking disheveled and permadrunk seem hip, while also making the explanation of hockey equipment features or solving murder mysteries more painful than filing your taxes without a calculator.