SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 30TH (By Chaz Coverdale)

--woke up with an insatiable craving for a McRib. Googled McRib. Found a Save The McRib website. Why can't McDonalds just quite fucking around and finally make this bbq'd delite a regular fixture on the menu?

--Threw a wank for almost an hour

--Wondered if a book entitled "Masterbating For Cardio" would sell. "CardioSturb?"

--Came up with the name Chaz Coverdale so I can hang out with CC Dubois and JJ Rezz. Other monikers in contention: Tyson St. Seville, Dwayne Rizla, and Brock Florida. Chaz Lauderdale was also a possibility.

--Txted quotes from Wedding Crashers with my buddy Chris for a half an hour. Faxing the script would have been cheaper, but fuck it son--weekend minutes!

--Listened to "One" by Metallica, twice.

--retaped my hockey tree with white cloth, and gave it a new knob, even though I haven't played a game since April.

--For some reason I stood in the middle of my living room and said the phrase "Damnit Jim, I'm a doctor" over and over until the words didn't even make sense anymore. It was really fucked up when I realized I'd been doing it for like 10 minutes. Really fucked up.

--Found a spider in my bathtub while I was taking a shit. Instead of killing it or letting it go, I made a small maze with toilet paper tubes and shreds of sleeves from two t-shirts that are now cutoffs. One end of the maze led to the door and the other end led to a half bar of soap that I stuck toothpicks in. I told my roomate to come look at it, but the stench of my shitbomb was too overwhelming and he tapped out in the hallway.

--Trimmed down my beard in varying levels of looks (moustache, goatee, flavor saver). My personal favorite was full beard, no sideburns. Think about it.