SIGNS YOU MAY NEED TO GET A LIFE (By Ty Webb)

1. Instead of just picking up the fucking phone, you have full
conversations via text message. We all know you're fucking lazy, but
texting takes more effort than talking. You can have the same
conversation verbally in 30 seconds that takes like 15 minutes in text
message time. Text messages are nice when you want to do the casual
blowoff without conversation but seriously, get a life and stop
abusing the privilege.

2. You're one of the aforementioned wanksters who Source2 bitched
about in the Gym List. If you do anything more than put on deodorant
to go to the gym, you might as well be going to the bar. Its a
training ground, not a meat market. If all you want to do is stare at
chicks, you might as well take your $90 a month for the gym membership
to the local strip club; if you're frugal, those dollar bills can get
you a long way. Get a fucking life shitbag.

3. If you wear a garment with a logo bigger than your head. This goes
for hats, shirts, pants etc. It definitely doesn't enhance your
street cred to be sporting a FUBU logo the size of a labrador
retriever, even if the shirt is big enough to be a nightgown for Star
Jones (pre-trimspa and stomach stapling). Classy is understatement,
big logos are best worn on porches, sitting next to broken washing
machines and dishwashers, while you gaze out on your yard of rusting
cars and ride-on mowers. Get a life.

4. If you constantly buy drinks for chicks at the bar and don't get
laid. You think you're Bobby Big Wheels, throwing money around like a
champ; meanwhile, the guys with zero dough in their wallets and a
little game are snagging your bitches while you're turned around
ordering the next round. You might want to re-examine your strategy
there. The girls are looking at you like an ATM, and no one bangs
ATMs (or Heavy Vibes Harold). Get a fucking life.

5. You try to talk to girls on the subway and persist even when they
put their ipod headphones in and turn the wheel to crank the volume.
Maybe you should've brushed your teeth and showered today, get a life.