Fun List Fridays

We Present: Random Lists of Distinctly Selected Items. If you would like to contribute a list, please email us funlistfridays@gmail.com and include your list, list title, and post name in the body of the email. We do not discriminate or edit.

Monday, June 19, 2006

WHO DOES US WORLD CUP SOCCER COACH BRUCE ARENA REMIND YOU OF? (By Totti)

Oliver Stone
Mike Okun
Howie Okun
The surfing gorilla from T&C Surf Design on regular Nintendo
Mr. Okun
Mr. Blanco
Boo Boo Bear
Fred Flintstone

EXCUSES THAT JUST DON'T CUT IT (By Ty Webb)

Below you will find examples of excuses that just don't cut it. They
are essentially half-assed cop-outs that are dropped because the
excusor doesn't have the balls to tell the truth. If you use any of
these excuses, be warned, they just don't cut it.

1. "My mom was really sick and needed me to take care of her, that's
why I stood you up on New Years Eve and didn't call you back for two
days after." In reality, the excusor was too much of a pussy to say,
my ex came over and I was fucking his brains out. I can handle getting
passed over, but this lame-ass excuse, delivered via voicemail, just
doesn't cut it. It's classier to say that you were doing the bone
dance with an ex than to lie and say your mom was sick and needed you,
on New Years Eve, because her boyfriend couldn't be there because he's
the bus driver for the Black Crowes. At least you could've included
your mom's boyfriend's cell number in the voicemail so I could've
spent my stood up New Years Eve on the bus with Kate Hudson and the
Black Crowes.

2. Your buddy blatantly tries to ask out your most recent
ex-girlfriend for "dinner and dancing". You call him on it and his
response is that he was "just being friendly". Dinner and dancing
might have just been friendly in 1950, but this is 2006; a chick is
lucky to get a drink from a guy who wants to see her roast beef show
let alone dinner and dancing with her ex's buddy who has always
creeped her out with his weird touching anyway. Newsflash to tactless
dickheads everywhere: you are not as slick as you appear in the mirror
flashing smiles at yourself before going out, alone, everynight. Try
brushing your teeth and applying deodorant on a regular basis and you
might have more luck picking up your own future ex-girlfriends.
Attempting to scavenge through your buddy's run of the mill curbside
trash is just plain pathetic; trying to bang your buddy's most recent
ex is a major offense punishable by the concoction of a gay bar
sighting rumor. Claiming you were "just being friendly" just doesn't
cut it.

3. "I shit my pants." This excuse is only valid when you actually say
it to a member of the opposite sex and mean it in a serious,
non-joking manner. Like if you said "Sorry I stood you up at the bar
last night Ariel, I shit my pants turning the corner and had to go
home." Or if you said, "Gretchen, I'm gonna have to cancel our date
tonight because on my way to your apartment, I shit my pants really
bad." Using it with your buddies to get out of being a wingman on a
Sunday night when its obviously not true just doesn't cut it.

4. "Sorry I didn't call you back last night, my phone had no service".
This is by far the most bullshit and overused excuse in the book.
It's 2006, there are cell towers EVERYWHERE, and I strongly doubt
anyone in New York strays far enough from civilization to actually
lose service for more than a few minutes. Its much easier to just man
up and say, "I went home with this chick from the bar who ended up
having a dick, and spent the rest of the night dry-heaving in the
shower and chewing gum with Dan Marino."

7 Comments:

  • At 5:35 AM, Anonymous Source2 said…

    Bruce Arena eats cock. He looks like a cross between Mr. Quiros and Lou Demasi my college hockey coach who looks like Bruce Arena.

     
  • At 5:45 AM, Anonymous Source2 said…

    "I drove last time" is the most half assed excuse that just does not cut it for weekends into NYC. How about, yea I know you drove last time, but I roled a huge ass joint in your car that you did not pay for but obviously enjoyed, not to mention, I funded your drinking the entire night because your exuse was that you were the one who drive in so i should hook you up with a drink. Eat Shit Rabi Jerusalemsteinberger. I am sick of having friends with this mentality. Wake up ass bags we are "Friends", where in my book means you pay people back after hooking them up with drinks and driving two weekends in a row to the city whould really be no big deal. Considering the fact that only myself and Ty Webb are the only ones who ever drive into the city anyway. I will finish this comment in an entire new list. Stay tuned.

     
  • At 11:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    EASE RIMPPPPP!!!! DEENO DRIVES!! THOUGHT THIS SITE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY NOT A BITCH SESSION. PLUS BRUCE ARENA LOOKS LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN LAUNCH PAD MCQUACK AND TRENT DILFOR
    -TALCUM POWDER

     
  • At 4:52 PM, Anonymous Carl Spackler said…

    Easy Anonymous. If you're gonna throw your hat into the ring at least give us a funny post name to go on. And stop dropping peoples' real names on the site; even if you horribly misspell them you fucking idiot.

     
  • At 5:41 AM, Anonymous Source2 said…

    Seriously Talcum Powder. What do you have a little soft spot for that kid? Are you guys rocking a brokeback summer?

     
  • At 2:03 PM, Anonymous Gary Busey's Nose said…

    I think Talcum Powder just has a HUGE soft spot for all his boys; (reference previous spoon-session with other friend, as well as mysterious 45 minute drive to bar that should've taken five minutes). Brokeback summer I think not, its more of a Brokeback LIFEstyle.

     
  • At 9:36 PM, Anonymous I was born to rub you too...let's go to the patio room said…

    Just to note..."Fetal Punt" stuffed Jen Okun with his meaty little phalanges back when he was in preschool playing doctor...solid

     

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