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Monday, October 31, 2005

Things to do while staying in a hotel for a Hockey Tournament / Having a Hotel Celebration, Bitches:(Ty Webb)

1.Flush the mini soap bars down the toilet (keep the mouthwash and sewing kit, they may come in handy later).
2.Throw Snapple bottles filled with piss at people in the parking lot below.
3.Execute “Leaners” on neighboring hotel rooms: A leaner is when you fill a bucket or garbage pail with liquid (your choice of Juice); then lean it against a hotel door that opens in, knock/ring and then wait for the unsuspecting neighbor to open the door and get wet feet.
4.Get caught smoking a joint outside the hotel in four feet of snow by your hockey coaches. Try to run away at first, and then realize you’re 6’5”, and look like a scarecrow, and you’re out in four feet of snow in your boxers. Try to tell them it was actually a cigarette, which coincidentally is also not allowed.
5.Have an all night (naked) dance party on your hotel room bed. Invite Stewie Griffin to proclaim it a “sexy party. And remember, if it comes down to a walk-off, listen to your friend Billy Zane, he’s a cool guy.
6.Bring bottles of Jack Daniels filled with Iced Tea in an obviously searchable hockey bag so your coaches find them and get excited until they crack them open back in their hotel room and realize that the seemingly-harmless Snapple bottles they passed over in their search held the Jack Daniels all along.
7.Bring along a batch of pot brownies so potent that you’re still waaasted the next day and have to pretend you have the flu and can’t play in the game because you’re still too high to put on equipment or even think about tying your skates. Then eat more brownies during the game while the team is on the ice and laugh at them.
8.Stretch your ball bag (scrotum) across your roommates face while he’s sleeping and take a picture of the “Saskatoon Flying Squirrel” perched on his face. Tell him it got in through the window and he slept through the whole ordeal. Explain that you would have killed it, but they’re an endangered species. Tell him that the one that landed on his face had a peculiar tail, which looked like a wild-mushroom.Offer him the photo as proof.
9.Fill up the tiny little shampoo bottles before you leave with piss (or if you already have enough mouthwash….)
10.Go into your Friend’s room and order video games, room service and porn movies. Then run back to your room when he gets out of the shower, leaving him surprised when the Belgian Waffles with anchovies and sour cream toppings show up at his door. And confused about whether to play Halo or watch Jenna Loves Rocco.
11.Two Words: Upper Decker.


  • At 10:46 AM, Anonymous Jofa Bubble upperlite said…

    Or about watching Jimbo Stuntz take off in his airplane at that ghetto dumpster slut ramada next ot the runway...stuntz...hilarious...he couldn't take a slapshot...

    P.s. i know what a blue tuuk is...what area blue tuuk daousts

  • At 5:09 PM, Anonymous CCM Bucket, Earloops out, No Neckguard said…

    just watch Above and Beyond rookie. The Great One will show you the way of the Daousts.

  • At 7:59 AM, Anonymous Backhand toedrag into a roofjob crossbar and down said…

    Just watch Red Light Special:The Mario Lemieux story for some real filthy shit.

  • At 8:16 AM, Anonymous Enrico Ciconi said…

    Just watch the Shooters Edge with Russ and Jeff Courtnall

  • At 9:09 AM, Anonymous Between the legs, 360, Lacrosse style, Top Corner said…

    Just watch: Rock'em Sock'em 5 for some dirtsauce hosted by none other than the infamous Don Cherry and his ugly Mutt..."He can pass and shoot and score, his name's Bobby Orr...Let's GO"

  • At 8:06 PM, Anonymous Tanger McTavish said…

    Anyone see the Don Cherry Porno...the dog is licking his guy.
    Rock'em Sock'em's for the gays

  • At 9:11 AM, Anonymous Owen Nolan's point and shoot B.A. said…

    Just watch Mark Messier - Leader, Champion & Legend to see how the Mess gets it done


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