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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

THINGS I HAVE THE URGE TO DO EVERYTIME I GO BACK TO LARCHMONT (by Krump's Brother)

--eat at Pat's.
--Work out my forearms and then head down to Lorenzen with a Babe Ruth weight bat and bang a few homers off of some weak 11-year-old lefty.
--Show up so obliterated-drunk to mass at Sts John and Paul that Mr. Lopez is forced to take me outside and bludgeon me with the blunt side of his Chevy Blazer front-end/winter snow shovel.
--meet Shake down at Imperial.
--Get a serious street hockey game going at Murray.
--Find out which girls from high school liked me and try to fuck them.
--Find out if any current high school girls like me. Lure them into my shady brown van via a few friendly hot dogs and curly fries at Walters.
--Use same hypothetical shady brown van to kidnap Ronnie from Go-Go Ronnie's courrier service. Maybe if the fat guy from Villa Maria and the fat guy from the liquor store around the corner didn't rely on a courrier service to deliver all those "important items" literally 100 yards away, then my chicken rolls wouldn't always have fat guy sweat all over them. Plus everyone whose ever lived in Larchmont knows that chick Ronnie is a total buzzkill.

2 Comments:

  • At 7:17 AM, Anonymous Source2 said…

    One time I had Go Go Ronnie get me a big breakfast and 4 egg McMuffins from Mc D's and she showed up to my door to tell me that they were no longer serving breakfast. I told her I was hungry though so I sent her all the way to the Mall to get me bourbon chicken and mac and cheese from that sort of chinese restaurant ASAP. I was so fucking hungry that I did not wait for her to return. I called her back, she was on line about to order. I told her she was fired...then I went to Sals and rocked out Four corner slices of Sicilian and rocked a sloppy dump in that sketchy bathroom and didnt flush or wash my hands. Then a rocked a high five to that fat sweaty guy who does nothing but fold the pizza boxes and drool.

     
  • At 8:00 AM, Anonymous brocktoon said…

    you're leaving out one large and in charge cook from leo's. man that guy made a mean cheeseburger, and redefined the limits of the elastic in his lime green sweats.

     

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