EXCUSES FOR WHY YOU STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN LAID 6 MONTHS AFTER YOU AND YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP (By Crazy Carl Everett)

--You guys are going to get back together and if you sleep with anyone else, it will ruin it.
--You assaulted the guy she cheated on you with and now you are in jail...all guys jail...wait, so I guess you are getting laid, never mind.
--you have been out of the singles scene for so long that your game is totally off...you just need to sharpen your skills again.
--with the loss of your "playa game" came those 25 pounds you gained from going out to eat all the time with your ex and ordering multiple rounds of drinks, as booze was your only oasis in the relationship hell in which you lived.
--work has been so busy. You really haven't had the time to go out and play the field...You'll rally next week though, you swear.
--You have fallen in love with the girl in your DVD porno and you have developed a complex where you feel like you are cheating every time you get "close" with a ladyfriend.
--T. Guy Minetti
--From being in your old relationship and banging on the same body that whole time, sex became so stale and unexciting to the point where the whole sexual enterprise has become altogether unappealing. You would much rather curl up on your couch with a great read and a glass of merlot.
--You still live with your ex and you can't bring ladyfriends home to the couch in the living room where you sleep...wait, why do you still live with your ex-girlfriend...its been over six months you wanker!


FAMOUS WIFE BEATERS (by Source 2 and Krump's Brother)


Bobby Brown
David Justice
Dennis Potvin
Ike Turner
Mike Tyson
Jason Kidd
Patrick Roy
Ray Pruitt
Jose Canseco

*BONUS* SAMPLE LYRICS TO THE SONG "WIFE BEATER" BY CHRISTIAN ROCK BAND 'OFFICER NEGATIVE'

verse 1:
Clench your fists
angers in your blood
you are seeing red
think you're number one
jealousy in your minds
violence in your soul
to be a man
you hit your wife
you have no self control

verse 2:
control a woman
thats what you try and do
play mind games
like you're in a game of pool
hit them with your fist
kick them with your boot
after that you think its cool
get it straight you freaking fool!

pre chorus:
wife beaters you're so lame
play that foolish game
wife beaters you're so lame
play that foolish game

chorus:
to hit a girl is so immature
to hit a girl, you are insecure
to hit a girl, you have no self esteem
to hit a girl...
there is no excuse.