REASONS WHY 24'S JACK BAUER IS THE FUCKING MAN (Posted by Bauer Out)
1) In one episode he died after being tortured and electrocuted with a taser gun, then came back to life with a shot of epinephrine and 4 defibrillator shocks. You try that.
2)Parachuted out of a plane just 4 minutes before a nuclear bomb exploded on board.
3)Foiled 2 assassination attempts on African American Presidential candidate David Palmer (Who happens to also be Pedro Cerrano from Major League). Where were you on that one Jobu?
4) He boned Elisha Cuthbert (Girl Next Door) on the set of 24. (She also happens to play his daughter on the show) Freaky incest thing aside, Bauer can fuck whoever the hell he wants...he IS Jack Bauer.
5) He's killed more people than Rambo. Seriously, I counted. Nothing against you Sly Stallone.
6) That mighty beard that he rocked at the beginning of Season 2 was the fucking' tits! Straight Grizzly Adams style (and yes, he DID have a beard). I tried rocking a beard to look more like Bauer, but I just ended up with a fuzzy shit lip.
7) He fucked this hot ass bitch when he was separated from his wife and then on top of that gave the girl a jelly doughnut. (For those who don't know what a jelly doughnut is, its when you squirt your man sauce all over a girl's face and then proceed to bash her in the face, giving a bloody nose.) Jack Bauer is no pussy whipped fruit.
8) He was the head vampire in "The Lost Boys," and his name was David. Sweet movie with the Coreys. They should really guest star in an episode of 24 as terrorist vampires. That would be the shit.
9) He was born in jolly ol' England...bet you didn't know that. Its soon to be Sir Kiefer Sutherland/Jack Bauer. Tony Blair is thinking of changing the nation's name to Great Bauer.
10)I heard he is actually going to run for president in 2008. He's got my vote. Of course T. Guy Mannetti is going to be Vice President and Storm T. Renegade is head of Secret Service. Bauer Out!
1) In one episode he died after being tortured and electrocuted with a taser gun, then came back to life with a shot of epinephrine and 4 defibrillator shocks. You try that.
2)Parachuted out of a plane just 4 minutes before a nuclear bomb exploded on board.
3)Foiled 2 assassination attempts on African American Presidential candidate David Palmer (Who happens to also be Pedro Cerrano from Major League). Where were you on that one Jobu?
4) He boned Elisha Cuthbert (Girl Next Door) on the set of 24. (She also happens to play his daughter on the show) Freaky incest thing aside, Bauer can fuck whoever the hell he wants...he IS Jack Bauer.
5) He's killed more people than Rambo. Seriously, I counted. Nothing against you Sly Stallone.
6) That mighty beard that he rocked at the beginning of Season 2 was the fucking' tits! Straight Grizzly Adams style (and yes, he DID have a beard). I tried rocking a beard to look more like Bauer, but I just ended up with a fuzzy shit lip.
7) He fucked this hot ass bitch when he was separated from his wife and then on top of that gave the girl a jelly doughnut. (For those who don't know what a jelly doughnut is, its when you squirt your man sauce all over a girl's face and then proceed to bash her in the face, giving a bloody nose.) Jack Bauer is no pussy whipped fruit.
8) He was the head vampire in "The Lost Boys," and his name was David. Sweet movie with the Coreys. They should really guest star in an episode of 24 as terrorist vampires. That would be the shit.
9) He was born in jolly ol' England...bet you didn't know that. Its soon to be Sir Kiefer Sutherland/Jack Bauer. Tony Blair is thinking of changing the nation's name to Great Bauer.
10)I heard he is actually going to run for president in 2008. He's got my vote. Of course T. Guy Mannetti is going to be Vice President and Storm T. Renegade is head of Secret Service. Bauer Out!
posted by Gearheart @ 6:03 PM
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