People/Things that need to EASE: (by Bauer Out)
-Coors Light Commercials.
-Tom Cruise. Settle down you All-American Pussy.
-Connecticut.
-The Boston Red Sox.
-Fitness Made Simple w/ John Basedow. Didn’t you die in the Tsunami?
-Emeril Lagasi. You’re a chef…that’s it. You act like you’re the Phil Collins of cooking.
-Maroon-5.
-Dr. Phil.
-Dr. Ruth.
-Super Hero Movies. Especially Sky High starring Kurt Russell where he plays “Captain Stronghold.” Come on Kurt, I thought you were better then that.


RANDOM THINGS THAT WENT DOWN AT JOHN THOMPSON'S BENDER (by Per Gessle)

1) Hetero Wanabe Homo (Don’t know where this came from but Rip Torn just decides to make up a phrase of his own….riiiight.)
2) BM (for those of you who don’t know, a BM is a Bowl Movement (when you take a dump). This chick and Marie Fredriksson are on line to go to the bathroom. The chick then states that shes gonna go over to the other bathroom and Marie Fredriksson replies that she’ll go with her. With an upset face the chick says ok and goes over. Marie Fredriksson then proceeds to wait a good 15min until the chick finally comes out with her head down while power walking out of the bathroom. Marie Fredriksson goes into the bathroom and realizes that it smells like crap and puts two and two together and realizes that the chick actually just took a frigin dump.)
3) AM-BM-In-The-PM (An AM-BM is when you take a BM in the morning after a night of getting wasted. So if you think about it, an AM-BM-In-The-PM is when you take an AM-BM at night.)
4) Creepy Guy (this was referred to this sketchy guy who everytime we would look over was sitting on the random bench under a tree like 15ft. from the house…just really weird.)
5) TC (we have come to the conclusion that this guy, whose initials are TC, loves chicks who take dumps while being with him. The last 3 chicks he has been with or at least tried to be with have taken dumps while in his company. One chick just took a dump at a house when they were together. The next chick took a dump in his house, proceeded not to flush, and then passed out on the floor. And the third chick is the chick from the story of the BM…the kid has major B.O. problems anyway)
6) “I Think I Pissed In Her Mouth.” (Bauer Out decides to tell us this story about the first time he scored BJ from this chick who now is a frigin whale. Bauer says that since it was the first time he scored BJ, when he exploded in her mouth, he actually though he pissed in her mouth and thought about it for the next few weeks.)
7) Rip Torn Lies (This kid is the BIGGEST liar ever. He will tell you things just so he could sound or just so you think he knows whats going on or what the hell youre talking about. But in reality, most of the time he has no clue what so ever)
8) Casual Piss (Bauer Out and Per Gessle took a casual piss on the 2nd Tee East. By the way for those loners who don’t know what a casual piss is, its when you go to take a piss but you drop your pants to your ankles.)
9) Double Blumkin (This was randomly brought up during a convo that had nothing to do with this. Its when a guy takes an upperdeck dump while the chick is takin a dump facing the guy and giving him BJ)
10) DSISB (For some reason this story came up, which it shouldn’t have. One of our buddies, who shall remain nameless, actually got his wee-wee stuck in a shampoo bottle. It happened one time when he was younger and was taking a shower after a long day of playing on the playground. All of a sudden he became aroused and started to think of what he could do with his arousal…that’s when he saw the shampoo bottle. At first it easily went in but to his surprise it didn’t come out as easily. Not knowing what to do he called for his mommy to help and then the story goes however you would like…)
11) Bauer Out Takes Picture Of Nuts (Bauer Out decided to be funny and take a picture of his nuts with some chicks camera. But when the deed is deed is done and is observed, it looks more like a vagg….which makes you think…”)
12) “I’m Sick Of Head.” (This chick who wasn’t drunk at all just decides to tell us that she is sick of givin BJ. Which means, if you think about it, that she is probably a slut and if you try hard enough will give you BJ)
13) SAP (This is the new name for one of our buddy Deuce. SAP which stands for Spanish American Publication is what shows up on the bottom of your TV screen at the beginning of a show. Deuce is 100% Italian but for some reason looks 100% Mexican.)