ACTUAL LIES PERPETUATED (WITH A STRAIGHT FACE) BY THIS STONER GIRL NICOLE THAT I KNEW IN COLLEGE, BASED ON HOW FUCKED UP SHE WAS AT THE TIME. (list of 11 culled from an archive of hundreds)


1 beer: I'm a virgin
*shot of Jager: My aunt used to run a phone sex line
2 shots of Jager: I worked for her sometimes
2 beers: I'm not drunk, I swear.
1 SoCo and Lime: I hooked up with Scott Baio at a bar in Cancun during Spring Break
2 Bonghits: I've never done anal
*3 shots of Jager, 3 beers: This guy offered $500 to take topless pictures of me in his van when we were in New Orleans
1 Beerbong, puked, 1 Newport Light Menthol: My dad was a 'greaser' in The Outsiders but he got cut out of the final edit because he didn't get along with Matt Dillon.
4 beers: People tell me I look like Naomi Watts, but, like, with dreads.
4 Shots of Jager, pisses in bathtub, 2nd and 3rd Newport Light Menthol: People tell me I look like Naomi Watts, but, like, a brunette.
Dared to take a shot of Everclear, end of the night Newport Light Menthol: (while listening to Lou Reed's Take a Walk On the Wild Side) I sang background vocals on this. (Deadhorse's my passed out friend Campbell)

*Could be true